A Not Entirely Academic, But Completely Idiot-Proof Guide to Julius Caesar
Don’t bother reading the book, Julius Caesar. This is all you really need to know.
The Good Guys:
Caesar
Antony
Octavius
Lepidus
The Bad Guys:
Cassius
Brutus
Casca
Trebonius
Ligarius
Decius
Metellus
Cinna
The Wives:
Calpurnia
Portia
*Caesar arrives in Rome, triumphant*
Plebians: Yay Caesar!
Cassius: Looks like Caesar wants to be a dictator. Let’s kill him.
Casca, Trebonius, Ligarius, Decius, Metellus, Cinna: Okay.
Brutus: But he’s my friend!
*reads letter from plebians, which was actually forged by Cassius*
Brutus: Not anymore.
*the next day*
Calpurnia: Don’t go to the senate today! I dreamt that you died!
Caesar: Okay.
Decius: Go to the senate! They’re giving you the crown today!
Caesar: Okay.
*some shit happens*
Cassius, Casca, Trebonius, Ligarius, Decius, Metellus, Cinna, Brutus: *stabs*
Caesar: *dies*
Antony: Noooooo!
*some more shit happens*
Octavius: Fathur! I will avenge your death!
Antony: Let’s wage war against the traitors.
Octavius, Lepidus: Okay.
Portia: *kills self*
*battle*
Pindarus: Oh no! The enemy is here! We’re all gonna die!!!
Cassius: *kills self*
Pindarus: Oops. Those were actually our soldiers. My bad.
Titinius: *kills self*
Brutus: *kills self*
***THE END***
Filed under entries |Related Posts
- field trip
- Sometimes I feel like I’m a little bit hopeless
- I hope that you’ll always know how to take my breath away
- Some late night thoughts
- New Year’s Resolution
- I’ve got to make a point these days to educate myself
- There’s always a shiny red balloon that spoils everything
- I wish I could feel nothing
- sick
- Get Over it
Be updated with New Media Events and Contests by subscribing below:
8 Responses to “A Not Entirely Academic, But Completely Idiot-Proof Guide to Julius Caesar”
Leave a Reply
LMAO. Yes, sums it up quite nicely. Basically, I thought it was a gay version of Romeo & Juliet. In place of a couple of teenagers sprouting flowery words, this one has old men professing their love for one another.
lol! nice one! i sure enjoyed this better than any old book
lol. very accurate, very concise
you have to see the Comedy of Errors — probably Shakespeare’s funniest play =)
hahaha. funny girl.
i read the comics version of most of Shakespeare plays
there’s one play called A Winter’s Tale, the protags name is Hermione (finally figured out were Rowling stole her name)
Good thing I didn’t bother reading that in college. I read The Tempest instead.
Who Needs SparkNotes?
I read Julius Caesar once. Notice how I said once. I am not Shakespeare’s biggest fan by any means. I appreciate his genius and recognize his importance in literature, yet none of that can stop the continuous yawning that I experience while reading …
omfg. this just cracked me up today. thank you lauren. made my day. LMAO.