Messed-up 10 a.m. thoughts

Just woke up. Had a semi-disturbing dream that involved me kissing someone someone kissing me. We were standing and talking somewhere, and then he put his arm around me, leaned over and kissed. And I kissed back. The thing is, I saw this happening from a third-person point of view. When we started kissing, the POV went back to first person, from my point of view. And then I was like, “Hey, you’re pretty good at this.” Cheesy line, but aside from that, there’s really nothing wrong with my dream, right? Well, not exactly. The reason why my dream is semi-disturbing is because although I actually enjoyed it, my kissing partner is a friend I am not interested in romantically. I barely even talk to him–let alone think of him in my spare time–and now we’re kissing in my subconscious. Do I have a fucked-up mind.

It’s weird though, because whenever I have dreams about me kissing a guy, or a guy kissing me, I always end up thinking about that guy more often. It’s a little like when someone tells me he’s into me and I’ve never really paid much attention to him before, but now that I know that he likes me I kind of start noticing him. Or thinking about him at moments when I should be thinking of other things. Like right now–I’m actually thinking about him. This is so sick. The guy isn’t kadiri or anything, but he’s my friend and I shouldn’t be playing flashbacks of us kissing in my mind. Hmm, now that I think of it, I remember that that there was this part in the dream where we were kissing. My mom walked in on us, and I introduced him to her like nothing was wrong. She smiled at him, motioned for us to follow her and we did, holding hands.

I hope I don’t see this guy at school tomorrow.

I wasn’t planning on being up this early, but my sister called and the ringing phone woke me up. I tried to get back to sleep, but the cat was sitting at the foot of my bed and he looked so adorable, I ended up staring at him. My kitty loves me. And I love him too. Laid back down on the pillow and closed my eyes, but I kept remembering that dream. I gave up on more sleep and got up to use the computer. As I walked out of the room, I happened to glance at myself in the mirror. And when I saw my reflection–messy hair and white nightgown–I thought, “Wow. I actually look pretty cute first thing in the morning. I wish someone could see the way I look right now.”

I think I’ll go get breakfast before I make you lose yours.