Blahblahblah you dont wanna read this
I feel really down right now. Do you know how bad it is? I can’t even write about it anymore. I can’t sort out my emotions. If someone could cut me open right now, all they’d see is this really dark mixture of hurt, worry, and uncertainty.
This isn’t just about him anymore. It’s about my friends. I don’t think they have any idea how much tomorrow really means to me. I’m not sure if they’re going to do what they promised they’d do. And I’m really scared that if they don’t…then I can’t call them my friends.
I don’t believe in optimism because I always end up getting disappointed. Right now I’m expecting the worst that could happen. But even so, I don’t know if I can handle the wave of pain that will come crashing down on me when it does.
And no, I can’t rely on my friends for emotional support this time. The sucky thing about being the quiet girl in the group is that you’re everybody’s emotional punching bag. You can listen to them rant about some stupid thing all day long but during the rare occassion that you need someone to listen to you–no one does.
It hurts.
Man, I really do need that paper journal. I’m starting to sound like I have nothing better to do than feel sorry for myself all day. And telling people stuff like this is starting to become embarassing.
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6 Responses to “Blahblahblah you dont wanna read this”
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:hug: there, there lauren.. i can relate to what you’re feeling.. not wanting to hope in fears of hurt and disappointment.. feeling lost and abandoned by friends whom you’ve always strived to be always there for. but people care.. sometimes even more than you expect.. you’ll be surprised. and i’m sure your friends love you dearly
[clears throat] Society puts too much emphasis on relationships and making sure you find the right person. It’s a terrible way to look at it. Why do you think there is so many depressed teenagers? So many people think something is wrong with them because they don’t have some girlfriend or boyfriend. Seriously, you don’t need that at that time in your life. I’m 20, I’ve been single my entire life. There isn’t anything wrong with me. To be completely honest, I’m WAITING to find the right person. Just think about what you’re doing. I guess everyone has different outlooks on life, but if your so upset… you know you can change that.
Have you ever asked yourself, what are friends? Are they just people there to help at times when we are in a downfall? It’s natural that we can’t depend on them all the time. I’m sure you know that.. If you are in a emotional conflict, take the time, and slowly think about why you are in a stump and find a solution. There’s a reason for everything, sometimes we can’t find it on time, but it’s there somewhere.. Whatever is bothering is a lesson in progress, later it will be done and learned. Hang in there. Sorry if this comment wasn’t much help anyway. Just passing by.
don’t feel embarrassed… i mean, u shouldn’t have to apologize for how u feel. but i definitely sympathize with being everyone’s emotional punching bag… it sucks.
I have the exact same feelings about friendship as you. Basically, it’s hard for me to expect so much from my friends because in the back of my mind, I know they won’t pull through. Maybe that rare one person will, but those people are hard to find.
And I know what you mean about writing some of your thoughts in your online journal. Sometimes my thoughts are so whiney and depressing that I feel embarrassed when I read through them after posting them up. Sometimes people even comment on how whiney I’m being. But if you feel more comfortable letting out your emotions in a paper journal, I think you should do that (even though writing takes longer
)
and i thought i was the only one who’s feeling this stuff… sigh…. well, i do have my paper journal and its like, its the only thing who can understand me… sigh…. all i can say is that we have the same feeling thats all…. take care…. sigh……..