This week has taken its toll on me
Boo. I think I’m sick. I can tell that I am because my feet are cold even though it’s a little sunny outside. It was raining all day yesterday and none of the guys I were with were gentlemen enough to lend me their jackets/sweaters. Chivalry must indeed be dead. Or at least, among the freshmen boys. (That’s unfair and condescending, I know…) If there’s one thing I hate about guys, is when they’re soooo in love with the girl they’re in love with, that they forget to be gentlemanly to the other girls they hang out with. Haha, I think I’m just feeling bitter because love is something that never really lasts with me. Oh well….
My first week of school was very eventful. I bonded with old friends and made some new friends, which is funny because during my first week of the first semester I made like, zero new friends. I think I’m slowly starting to learn to go out of my shell now. I’m still not comfortable about saying hi to acquaintances I run into at the hall, but at least I can now carry a decent conversation with a stranger. It was funny–on Thursday, this really hpyer girl named Crista was introduced to me and we ended up hanging out at school long after everyone else we knew had left. She’s fun. I think we might play soccer next Wednesday even though part of me thinks that she thinks I’m a dork. Then again, I always think that people think I’m a dork.
I will not rant about the crappy teachers I have for this semester because I have gotten into enough trouble by talking about things in here that I shouldn’t be talking about in the first place. Speaking of which, I’m thinking of closing this site down. Or at least, not writing in here anymore. I’m a private person, and I hate that my life is becoming like a soap opera for a lot of people out there. Once someone told me through Y!M that he found my journal more exciting more than Meteor Garden. I wasn’t sure whether I should laugh or cry. This journal wasn’t made for anyone’s entertainment. It was supposed to be therapy for me, but now it’s becoming a source of stress. I want out.
Nobody’s home right now. Damn. I wonder if Mommy bought that Physics book I asked her to. I’m actually going to study this weekend if you can believe it. I’m getting a little tired of socializing. What else am I supposed to do?
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9 Responses to “This week has taken its toll on me”
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*hugs* there’s plenty of other, more private places, that you can journal, that way you don’t have to STOP journalling, just don’t have to have every man and his dog hanging onto your every word…
*hugs* :hug:
Don’t get me wrong–I’m not gonna stop journalling for good. Thank God for Livejournal and filtered entries.
aww, i enjoyed this.
I agree, your entries shouldn’t have to be devoted to you explaining everything to people. I still like this site lots, though!
*huggles* It would be a shame to close it down after 6 years - almost 7? - of online journalling without worries. :\ But all of us need a place to run to sometimes. Goodness knows I’ve been in a lot of trouble for what I wrote too. Take a break or something from nimrodel? Maybe it’ll ease the stress a little, then come back and think about it again whether you really want to leave this.
I’m new at this sort of thing; commenting on personal sites, but I know what you mean about posting your thoughts on a personal page and having the whole world judge and ridicule you. I have so many online journals and diaries but none of which are very reliable or even personal. Sure I can write my thoughts and whatnot but it’s never complete. My journals and diaries are mostly for my friend’s entertainment and maybe a little for myself because I made it that way. I even had an online journal war on xanga. It was brutal and we had to deal with it outside of the internet. There were confrontations left and right. That’s why I stopped writing anything of importance on xanga. I wasn’t about to start another online journal war. Now, those journals and diaries are used out of boredom. Since my close friends are the only ones who read them, I have to curb any of my true feelings because I don’t want to be responsible for any strains in our relationships. I seem to be rambling, but what I’ve read so far, I think you’re an intelligent person and very private. I can understand that the one place you find solace is now a place for other’s entertainment. At least you know you have so many supportive online friends. Hopefully, you don’t have to leave this place permanently, it would be such a shame really. So many years were put into this site. Well, anyway, have a great life with whatever decision you make.
listen, i can’t even remember how i found your journal and i really don’t think it makes a difference now. all i can say is it helped me and i would hate for you to stop. i also write but i don’t post it on the internet, i keep it saved in Word. i come back to it every once and a while and read what i wrote long ago. keep writing - it’s healthy. as a complete stranger to you, i want to thank you for allowing me to share your experiences. it must be weird knowing that people like me are out there forming their own opinions about what you have to say, but that shouldn’t keep you from expressing yourself. so, keep going. you have my support.
good luck, Lauryn… i remember reading you many years ago. if there’s any consolation, you can just go password-protected. that way you can control who reads your site. after blogging for 5 years, i did that. and i feel like i can open up myself more but without looking over my shoulder. :hug: