The dilemma of a would-be writer
So today is the first day of my 27-day sem break, and I wish I could say that I’m happy about it but I’m not. It’s not because I don’t want the extra days of bumming around and going out–of course I do. But I’m too worried about the result of my Math 11 finals to celebrate right now. I just know that I flunked the damn thing and the subject itself, meaning that whatever plans I had for the summer are just about screwed. 
I could probably still make it to the States after my summer classes–I miss San Francisco a whole lot and I’m dying to go there again–but not for as long as I would like. Bah. I guess I’ll just make the most out of the next three and a half weeks cos I sure won’t be getting another vacation anytime soon. Pfft.
My Lit exam yesterday was not as disastrous as the math one, but I still think I did badly in it. It had only three essay questions, each one at least four to five paragraphs long with not less than five sentences in each paragraph. What is up with my Lit professor and long essays? I really don’t get it. I mean, if I were in her place I would want my students to write as little as possible. In the first place, it would make checking them a whole lot easier. Plus, long essays tend to go around in circles and talk about something irrelevant to the question. That’s exactly what happened to me. My essays made about as much sense as a Britney Spears song–I mean, who in the world can write three, coherent essays in a span of two hours? Certainly not me.
Earlier I was looking through my Friendster testimonials, and I just noticed that a lot of them say something about me being a good writer. And that made me think, “So where the hell was the good writer in me during my Lit finals?!?!?” Then again, maybe my Lit professor would find some sense in all that crap I wrote during my finals. It’s weird because most of the time I feel like I could have done better in my papers. But when I get them back, it’s with an A written neatly on the upper right corner of the first page. I guess it’s true that you’re your own worst critic. I mean, people actually like the stuff that sounds like crap to me. The problem with me is that I think everything I write about is trite or stupid, which is why I can never come up with anything other than essays for school, journal entries, and Friendster testimonials. Maybe I could just treat those as practice before I start writing The Great Filipino Novel (ha! as if) or something.
There is that moment in a writer’s life when he/she gets threatened by the arrival of someone younger and potentially more gifted. For me, that feeling comes courtesy of Lauren.
That was coming from my English professor. Maybe there is some hope for me after all. 
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11 Responses to “The dilemma of a would-be writer”
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I know what you mean with the english papers…. The ones I hand in are usually rushed and I always feel that if I could have put more time into it, I would have had a much better paper…. but more often than not, an A in red pen is at the top of the paper….
hi.did chneseboy add u yet?
There is that moment in a writer’s life when he/she gets threatened by the arrival of someone younger and potentially more gifted. For me, that feeling comes courtesy of Lauren.
What an awesome thing to hear!! That is the kind of thing that will always give you hope and will follow and support you throughout your life as a writer. Believe in yourself and believe in what your english prof. said always and forever!
try not to worry too much about the finals. what’s done is done, nothing to do now but wait and see the outcome. even if you didn’t make it through Math 11, a single summer class isn’t TOO awful. I had to re-take Calculus 2 when i was in college. As much as it sucked not having the entire summer free, i found the teachers to be much more laid back and helpful in the summer time. wishing you the best of luck!
Of course. He couldn’t resist my feminine charm.
Yeah, I heard something about how they will make Math 12 easier for those who will be taking it up in the summer. Oh well, I don’t think it will be so bad. Most probably I’ll end up being classmates with the people in my block, which will make it more bearable.
naks naman lauren!! for a professor to say something like that.. its something. its okay to feel inadequate sometimes, it makes you do better next time. but dont let it make you lose your motivation!
my. why is he wearing that tanktop?
what’s weird is his surname is my middle name.
Maybe he’s a long lost cousin of yours?
Yepyep! I wish my math professor would say the same though.
“Your addition and subtraction skills make me feel so inferior!”
Yeah right. =P
hai, lauren… hmm… i hate d end of the sem as weLL. the waiting, the anticipating, the hoping u did better dan u thought.
so, can i add u in mah fRiendster?
same emaiL… laytaz!
Wow…if a professor said something like that about me, I’d be motivated, inspired and very happy! You DO write well; I can tell that just from reading your journal!