While everyone is at the Oktoberfest kickoff party at Eastwood tonight…
I had a kind of epiphany. Realization. Whatever.
I was watching the movie Orange County, and towards the end the writer guy said something like, writers have this love-hate relationship with the place they were born. All the great writers like Faulkner, James Joyce, left their homes in order to write. When I heard that, my jaw just dropped open and I finally understood why for the longest time, I have had this yearning to hop on a plane to San Francisco or anywhere else in the world once I graduate from college.
It was very strange because just a couple of minutes before that scene, I was telling my mom that I had to get out of here once I’m done with school. That I just couldn’t picture myself heading to my Makati office every morning of every day in my life. That there’s got to be something more to my existence than that. Here I go again with my fatalistic attitude but what the hell…I believe that that movie was a sign. I might still change my mind four years from now but at this very moment, I am certain that I will leave the Philippines after college. Maybe not right away, but one thing’s for sure: I am not spending the rest of my life here.
To be honest, I’m very nervous about this whole idea. I’m sure there is a whole flock of people living in San Francisco who want to become writers. I’ll probably have to get another job since I can’t rely on writing to bring me money and food. But then here’s another problem: I’m sure that there are very few people in that city who will want to hire someone from a university located in a tiny little Southeast Asian country. And I am sure there are lots of people from US colleges who don’t even have jobs. It’s really ironic how the name of my school won’t matter much out there in the real world. Not only that, but I’m also an Asian who has this tendency to be a little too nice, naive and trusting; a lot of people in the States are going to fuck with my head. And except for my aunts and cousins and maybe a few friends, nobody knows me in San Francisco. So what are my chances of survival? It’s probably not much.
But you know what, I seriously don’t care what it takes. Even if I have to live in a dingy apartment that is crawling with roaches, or beg in the streets, or be treated like crap by racist assholes, I am going to get myself established in San Francisco four or five years from now. And someday I’ll be a writer living in a pretty house with a beautiful view of the ocean.
Now, if I don’t fail Math 11 (and Math 12 next semester), I will be heading off to San Francisco next summer for an internship somewhere. I really need job experience more than anything, maybe even more than grades. Even if the whole San Francisco thing won’t work out, internships will still look nice on the resume. Let’s just see where the next four years of my life will bring me.
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17 Responses to “While everyone is at the Oktoberfest kickoff party at Eastwood tonight…”
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you’re right about the part where you forseen yourself going in and out of your makati office, negotiating hours of traffic and dealing with a lot of less than smart individuals. i don’t even want to mention the government.
in the states, you can compete in a global arena and accomplish things that can change the world.
good luck in your aspirations.
from a former makati worker now a pioneer in los angeles.
hey sweetie. i just wanted to say that i admire your ambition. i felt the same you did when i was 17… even though that was only 2 years ago… i got up and i left my small little podunk town where i knew i really wouldn’t get further than being a waitress in a hole in the wall restaurant. two years later i go to San Francisco State University, maybe not the best school, but it is in a city where there is opportunity. and believe me hon, there is opportunity!! you just have to work mad hard to get there.
anyway, so at least one person *kinda8 knows you in san francisco!
hey, i think i know what you mean. being away from somewhere gives you more perspective on that place, so you CAN actually write… have u read catcher in the rye?
Of course, it’s one of my favorite books.
wow…i had an idea of becoming a writer, but somehow due to my underskills in writing (grammatically good) i just kept my thoughts inside my head
well, that’s life! good luck nalang 
It’s good that you have set goals for yourself. Good luck and keep on working on them. You can achieve anything, so long as you desire it and set your mind into getting it. Whatever your mind can concieve and believe, you can achieve ^^
Maybe I’ll be reading one of your works someday.
Best of luck!
You go for it Lauren. If you don’t, you may regret it for the rest of your life. Better to try and see what happens than to not try and wonder ‘what if.’ Yes there will be many hardships, but no pain, no gain. It will all be worth it in the end.
I’m from NYC and trust me when I say that all you need is motivation in life to get your ass where it wants to be. You go girl!
Lauren, good luck with all of it! It can be a cruel world out there sometimes, but it’s good that you have the determination to do something about it. Hopefully I’ll read some of your stuff a few years down the line!
Those are some of the reasons why I don’t want to stay here either. =P Thanks though, what you said was very inspiring.
Yup!
I’m glad leaving your town worked out well for you.
I’m bad at grammar too! Well, not that bad, but I think that tenses and all that technical stuff are confusing. But then what are editors for?
Thanks!
Yep! I intend to go to San Francisco no matter what. Thanks.
seriously, that’s the way to do it. if you want something really badly nothing is going to stop you. I took two years off after high school, am going to be paying for my college education for the rest of my life with the loans i took out, and have fought with my parents endlessly but i’m here in new york city, doing the things i have to, and i love every minute of it. All the struggles were worth it.
salam
Lauren!!! Is that you? From the tute with Ms. Judy. I was just browsing and caught you here. Whoa. How’re you? Nice site. mail me back *muah*