Happiness is just a state of mind

My mom says it’s a bad sign that I’m always craving for sleep. She says it’s because my body and mind are unusually tired or something like that because I worry too much. I guess she’s right. The past couple of days I’ve been doing nothing but worry about school and crave for sleep. I have so many things to do; this weekend I have three long tests to study for, which means I won’t be able to go to the Parokya ni Edgar gig at UP Manila or watch Pirates of the Caribbean. ‘m always busy, but there are a lot of time where I feel like I’m not doing my best. I don’t know…sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who’s having so much difficulty adjusting to college life. I look at the faces of all the people at school and they seem to be so happy and carefree. In terms of schoolwork and bullshitting my way out of tight situations, I kind of miss high school. But then I’d rather slave away doing college work than go back to that awful, awful place. At least now I’m learning more useful stuff.

Maybe I should start meditating again, just I could make my mind relax a little. But it’s been a long time since I last meditated and I’m not sure if I even still remember how to do it.

Last night, I was just about to crawl into bed and call it a day when somebody rang the doorbell. My roommate got to the door before I could, and I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ringer go, “Hey, is Lauren there?” I went over to the door and saw that there wasn’t one doorbell ringer; there were three! My roommates from the third floor! One of them borrowed my copy of Dangerous Angels a couple of weeks ago, and I guess when she said she was going upstairs to return it, the rest of them decided to go come along and see how I was doing. Our mouths started running at the same time and since my roommates were trying to get some sleep, I ended up going over to their room and talking to them for an hour. I didn’t mind that my sleep was delayed at all; it was great hanging out with them again. They’re moving to another place after the first semester, which sucks, but if they have room next school year I’ll most probably join them. I should drop by downstairs more often while they’re still around. I really should.

(Problem with me is that a lot of times, I never really do the things I should do.)

Today was a good day in spite of all the rain and the fact that classes weren’t suspended again. Spent some time with my blockmates and my boyfriend. I was actually in a good mood, for once. I guess life doesn’t have to be such a bitch all the time.