I guess I must be as retarded as I think I am

Whopee. I had a pretty lousy day. And as if to make today even more horrible than it already is, I just learned that I failed my Math 11 midterms. 81 out of 200 points.

I should have known better. Whenever I feel confident about passing a major test, I never do. All the items I found easy–I only got one fucking point out of 15 or 20. How the fuck did this happen?! I thought that for the first time, I’d finally pass a Math test and not have to worry about anything anymore. But nooooooooooooo. Because I have a brilliant mind, I went ahead and failed the fucker in spite of the hours I put in studying for it.

“If it’s any consolation, a lot of you in the class failed the midterms,” my prof told me. Naturally, I felt so much better the instant she said that.

According to her, I have to get at least an average of 60 points in the next two long tests if I want to obtain a final grade of D. Good Lord. She might as well ask me to get a perfect score of a hundred. How in God’s name am I going to score 60 points in a long test?! I can’t even fucking reach 50!

So yeah. Let me remind myself again about the reasons why I went to Math 11 instead of basic Math:

a) I want to go to the States this summer instead of melting into a puddle of sweat at school while slaving away on Math 12.
b) I don’t want to prolong the agony. Even if I took up Basic Math now, I’d probably end up flunking the Math 11 midterms anyway.
c) I passed the diagnostic test. Well, sort of. Passing the test means that I’m ready to take on Math 11.

But am I, really? OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!!

And aside from studying for a math quiz tomorow (which I will undoubtedly fail), I have to do a paper for Lit and a paper for Filipino. The Filipino paper isnt due till Friday but if I want to have it edited I need to finish it by tomorrow and I’m only half-fucking-way done.

I feel so fucking discouraged. I don’t feel like studying anymore. I don’t see the point of anything anymore. Why do I still do the things I do? No matter how hard I try I always end up failing. I’m never good enough for ANYTHING.

I don’t mean to act like the immature, angsty teenager that I am but GODDAMNIT. Life fucking sucks.

Help me?

Argh! Filipino is driving me crazy! I’m supposed to write a movie review, but everything I type out is crap. All my sentences sound the same; entire paragraphs come out sounding really dry and dull. The thing is, I already know what to say–in English! I find it extremely difficult to translate my thoughts into Tagalog.

This is how bad my situation has become: I’m actually going to ask a 15-year old guy to edit my paper. I don’t know anyone who can speak better Tagalog than me! (Anyone I know well enough who’d help me with my paper, anyway.) Isn’t that just…bad? Oh well, my sister claims that the guy is a genius and he’d better goddamn be. I got a D in my advisory grade for Filipino and I want to get a higher final grade than that. A C, at least. I don’t think I can get away with a B for this one. *sigh*

I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next semester either, because I heard it that if I’m having difficulty now then Filipino 12 will be a lot harder since it’s a writing class. Damn, I am fucked.

Wahhhh!

(Pardon me; the apostrophe key [or whatever the hell you call that] on my cute blue keyboard isnt working. I suppose I have no choice but to go back to the noisy, yellowed, 8-year old keyboard. *sigh*)

I slept for 12 hours last night. Damn. I havent slept like that since the summer! I mustve been really tired because absolutely nothing woke me up—which is rare because Im a very light sleeper. Actually, some drag racers stupid car jerked me away from dreamland at 2 am, and some stupid moron hammering away on a piece of metal orsomething nearby made my eyes flutter open. Fortunately I was too tired to jump out of bed and scream bloody murder at them, and then try to go back to sleep but end up staring at the ceiling for hours, like what happens when someone/something interrupts my sleep. I wish I could say that I feel refreshed and ready to take over the world, but I cant because I spent two hours at the gym yesterday and now my arms and upper back feel sore like hell. If I had nothing to do today Id crawl back under the covers and sleep a few more hours, but I cant cos I have PE in….exactly 52 minutes.

Speaking of PE, I hope I dont run into my stalker again! I did say that I dont care if he does write about me in his LJ, but it still disturbs me nonetheless.

My song for the moment (Im Only Sleeping - The Vines);

When I wake up early in the morning,
Lift my head, I’m still yawning
When I’m in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream

Please don’t wake me, no
don’t shake me
Leave me where I am
I’m only sleeping

Everybody seems to think I’m lazy
I don’t mind, I think they’re crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find, there’s no need

Please don’t spoil my day
I’m miles away
And after all
I’m only sleeping

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window
Taking my time

Lying there and staring at the ceiling
Waiting for a sleepy feeling
Please don’t spoil my day
I’m miles away
And after all
I’m only sleeping

Gotta go eat breakfast!