I guess I must be as retarded as I think I am
Whopee. I had a pretty lousy day. And as if to make today even more horrible than it already is, I just learned that I failed my Math 11 midterms. 81 out of 200 points.
I should have known better. Whenever I feel confident about passing a major test, I never do. All the items I found easy–I only got one fucking point out of 15 or 20. How the fuck did this happen?! I thought that for the first time, I’d finally pass a Math test and not have to worry about anything anymore. But nooooooooooooo. Because I have a brilliant mind, I went ahead and failed the fucker in spite of the hours I put in studying for it.
“If it’s any consolation, a lot of you in the class failed the midterms,” my prof told me. Naturally, I felt so much better the instant she said that.
According to her, I have to get at least an average of 60 points in the next two long tests if I want to obtain a final grade of D. Good Lord. She might as well ask me to get a perfect score of a hundred. How in God’s name am I going to score 60 points in a long test?! I can’t even fucking reach 50!
So yeah. Let me remind myself again about the reasons why I went to Math 11 instead of basic Math:
a) I want to go to the States this summer instead of melting into a puddle of sweat at school while slaving away on Math 12.
b) I don’t want to prolong the agony. Even if I took up Basic Math now, I’d probably end up flunking the Math 11 midterms anyway.
c) I passed the diagnostic test. Well, sort of. Passing the test means that I’m ready to take on Math 11.
But am I, really? OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!!
And aside from studying for a math quiz tomorow (which I will undoubtedly fail), I have to do a paper for Lit and a paper for Filipino. The Filipino paper isnt due till Friday but if I want to have it edited I need to finish it by tomorrow and I’m only half-fucking-way done.
I feel so fucking discouraged. I don’t feel like studying anymore. I don’t see the point of anything anymore. Why do I still do the things I do? No matter how hard I try I always end up failing. I’m never good enough for ANYTHING.
I don’t mean to act like the immature, angsty teenager that I am but GODDAMNIT. Life fucking sucks.
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8 Responses to “I guess I must be as retarded as I think I am”
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hey lauryn, take it from someone who has failed enough courses for a lifetime, don’t give up! i know it feels stupid to keep working if you see no positive output, but it only gets worse if you stop. so you’re a lot better off than the people who’ve given up and said “what’s the point?” it’s not a good feeling, trust me. keep working, you’ll get through it! you’re a smart girl.
good luck with your work
don’t worry about math, you’ll do ok for sure. oh and be thankful you don’t have thesis till fourth year coz that will make life totally suck!!! trust me! good luck! 
I failed my first test in College Algebra, and I thought I had done really well on it (especially since I’d taken Algebra many times before), so I know exactly how you feel. Stick with it and you’ll be fine. And you’re no retard!
christ, I feel you. I mean, I really can’t remember the last time I had any positive sentiments about math. Just remember: 2035…beth will become supreme world ruler and annhilate math from the face of the earth.
You’re awsome!
Who ever wrote this,
you should win an award or sumin’ cause that was so awsome do you more!
it is halarious!
:grin::grin::grin::cool::???:im not retarded but i just wanted to say hi,:lol::sad::wink::cry::evil::neutral::mrgreen: yo!!!
hi just writing back again hi nad i’m still not a retared person… i’m just visiting!!!:wink::lol::smile::mrgreen: