I’ve got a secret…

Guess what?! The elevator in my dorm finally, finally works!

I’m in a specially cheerful mood today because for the first time ever, I sat through a math class without feeling like a consummate idiot. I was even able to answer stuff on the board, which is rare for me to do because I’m usually too self-conscious to recite in class. Last night’s group study at Kayelle’s friend’s house really helped a lot. I was there all evening, but it was fun and really worth it. I hope I do well in the diagnostic test tomorrow. I don’t want to take summer classes!

You know, I have a really bad feeling that a lot of the girls in my block like My Secret Crush as well. The giggly, prettier, more outgoing girls in my block. At the guidance test yesterday, they were teasing him in that coy way girls use when they flirt with guys. -_- Oh well. There’s really not much that I can do about that since My Secret Crush likes to sit at the back with the aforementioned girls, whereas I sit near the front like a geek. Fine. He can have them. At least I’ll get better grades than he will.

And at least there are still two other guys I’ve got my eye on. My Second Secret Crush is this very good-looking guy in my Filipino class who looks like a conyo snob with his rose-colored shades and tight-fitting shirts. Let me tell you that it surprised me very much to hear him speak Tagalog properly and to see that he didn’t get relegated to Filipino 10. I saw My Third Secret Crush at KFC today, the guy with unusual eyes that I have been checking out since ORSEM. Kim took the table right across his, and I damn near spilled gravy all over myself (not really, but whatever…that last statement makes a dramatic sentence). My blockmate Tina introduced me to My Third Secret Crush a couple of days ago, but since he is drop dead gorgeous I was very sure he would easily forget an ordinary-looking girl like myself. So I relinquished all hopes of forming a friendship with him. Charlie, however, said that she caught My Third Secret Crush giving me this, I-know-this-girl-from-somewhere look. I think she was just trying to make me feel better about the lack of action in my crush life.

Some people have been asking me whenever I talk about my crushes, “Well, what about Jason?” My loyalty lies with him, of course. I will never ever leave him for one of my Secret Crushes. But just because I have a boyfriend now doesn’t mean I have to stop eyeing guys who are waaaaaay out of my league. I mean, cut me some freaking slack! The fact that I’m in a coed institution crawling with cute guys finally sunk in! Suddenly, I’m seeing cute guys all over the place! How in the world was I able to survive the last twelve years of my life? Girls everywhere and not a single guy my age in sight, cute or otherwise?

I can’t wait for Filipino class tomorrow. Or the rest of my Filipino classes for the sem, and the rest of this year, for that matter. I know that it’s a shallow reason, but at least crushes make going to school something to look forward to.

Guess who’s not taking basic Filipino?

I should be studying the introduction of my fiction textbook for a Lit quiz on Wednesday. But who can concentrate on the elements of fiction with noisy roommates and Ja Rule growling in the background? Bah. I’ll wait for my roomies to leave for dinner before hitting the books.

Today was wonderful! I didn’t think my day turn out so well because as I made my way to school, I remembered that not only do I have an oral presentation for Lit class, we would also learn the results of our diagnostic test for Filipino at noon. O_o I hate talking in front of the class, and I hate being at school during the summer even more (although it’s never happened to me). I wanted to be one of the first to present at Lit so that my heart could stop palpitating and so I could get the freaking thing over and done with. But nooooo. My turn just had to come right after this guy’s brilliant presentation. Naturally, all the stuff that I said sounded so stupid moron-ish in comparison to his. As I went back to my seat, I felt more idiotic than ever. I suppose I can include Literature to the list of classes that make me feel like I have air for brains. Everything everyone else says sounds so smart. Everything I say sounds so dumb.

Eventually, 11:30 came by and I went to my Filipino class with a heavy heart. I sank into my seat, expecting the worst. The worst being an extremely boring summer at school studying and attempting to understand Filipino literature. Our prof came in soon and announced that although she had checked our diagnostic exams, the Filipino Department wasn’t done deliberating on who will stay at Filipino 11 and who will be send back to Filipino 10 (which is the basic Filipino class). Charlie, Kim, Andrew and I asked her after class if we could see our scores anyway, and guess what? We’re all staying in Filipino 11! Including me!!!

(Knowing my wonderful luck, my prof will probably tell me on Wednesday, “I’m sorry Lauren, but I made a mistake. I looked at the wrong name when you were asking for your score. Apparently, you’re in Filipino 10.” But whatever, let me feel good about this while I still can.)

I went with some of my blockmates for lunch at Kenny Roger’s to celebrate. I felt so relieved, as though a great load has been lifted off my back. Well, not really; there’s still the math diagnostic test on Friday. But at least being in Filipino 11 is one less worry off my mind. Hopefully.

During lunch, My Secret Crush looked at me in the eye and smiled. I think.

Wheeeeee!

Oh, and I ran into Dave (”Dulk”) when I passed by his bench. I wanted to stay and chat, but I left soon because I said that I would go with Charlie and Kayelle to the PE room.

Roomies are gone. Guess I have no choice but to do homework now.

On the road to veggieland

I’m about to go insane. I think the sound card of the desktop is busted because my mp3s refuse to play. And since my CD burner isn’t working properly as well, I’m starting to suffer from serious music withdrawal syndrome. I don’t have a sound card on the computer at the dorm either. Not only do I miss listening to the music I like real badly, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of the r&b pop shit my roommates keep listening to on the radio. If I hear anything by Nina, 50 Cent, or Mariah Carey one more time, I am going to have a nervous breakdown. Arg.

I had to go to school this afternoon for NSTP Orientation. Don’t ask me what NSTP stands for because I don’t know, but it’s pretty much like social service. Helping the poor, street children, and all that. You can sign up for organizations you want to join by block, and I was interested to see what my blockmates would pick since a few of them are quite conyo-ish. Kinda hard to imagine them getting their shoes dirty, playing with street children, and talking to poor people in Filipino. I don’t like getting dirty much, but I was game to join any organization, except maybe for the one where you have to go to Bilibid prison. No, I don’t want to spend my freshman year helping rapists and murderers, who deserve to rot in jail and receive no mercy from me, thank you very much. I’m not like God; I don’t love people unconditionally like that.

Anyway, the org I was hoping my block would pick is Habitat, where you get to build houses for some poor communities. It sounds like fun, and if I happen to join the ranks of the jobless when I graduate from college, at least I’ll have some background in carpentry. Maybe I’ll be poor, but at least I won’t be homeless, haha. The sophomore who talked about the organizations said that Habitat is a good org to be in, and I was hoping my blockmates would think so too but noooooo. They wanted to be in MyZoo, where you get to do some zoo tours and if we’re unlucky, clean up people’s trash. I can just imagine the conyo people giving the zoo tours and the normal people like me cleaning up the trash. I sure hope my block doesn’t get the MyZoo slot because I am very much against zoos. I just don’t see the logic of it. It’s very cruel how animals are snatched away from their homelands and placed in a metal cages for people to gawk at. They die in their prisons, without feeling the African sun beating against their backs or the cool rain forest rain on their feathers one last time. And anyway, how can you help the community and the world by cleaning up a zoo? Maybe I’ll sign up individually in an NSTP-accredited school org. I refuse to spend my weekends promoting almost-animal cruelty.

This inspired me to become a vegetarian. When I saw how sad that pig looked, my eyes immediately welled up with tears. I still feel rather sad whenever I look at that picture. I could see from the pig’s eyes that he knew the horrible death that was awaiting him, that the only purpose of his existance is to become human food. He looked helpless and defeated at the back of that truck and the look in his eyes tempted me to jump out of the car, pull open that metal door, and set him and all the other pigs free. But of course, I couldn’t; the pigs would go nowhere but back inside and I don’t have a farm where I could keep them safe from the slaughterhouse. The only thing I could do was avert my eyes and pray that maybe those pigs would die a painless death. Fat chance, though.

After seeing that truck, I made a vow to never touch meat again, but of course I broke it the very same day I made it. Bah. I’m against the ways in which animals are slaughtered, yet at the same time I still feel hungry whenever I have a meal without meat. Maybe I’ll start with no pork, and then after a while I’ll have beef, and then no chicken, until finally I get used to eating a rabbit’s diet. I’m serious about this vegetarian thing. Tips, anyone?

Looks like I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. My mom bought Order of the Phoenix and I must read as much of it as I can since I can’t bring it to my dorm!!!