Well the landslide brought me down

My head hurts from lack of sleep. I am definitely going to bed before 10 pm tonight. It’s a shame cos Jason mentioned something about waking up early so we could talk three hours before he leaves for school. As much as I enjoy talking to him, I don’t think my poor, sleep-deprived body can take any more of this. I have absolutely zero energy left. I can’t even sleep in tomorrow because I’m going to reserve my slot at Ateneo first thing in the morning. So I really have to sleep early tonight. It’s a shame though, cos I planned on calling Stephen and Chris and to see what they’re up to and to ask if we could hang out sometime soon. I miss them a lot, but oh well…there’s always tomorrow night.

I went to my high school this afternoon for what I think will be the last time ever. Today was report card day and I was happy to see that I got pretty good grades. I only went down two points in Math and Physics; everything else went up, up, up. I guess I’m not as stupid as I thought I was… I saw Angelica and Maricris at school and it felt gerat to see them again. We weren’t able to talk for long though, cos they had to leave right away. In spite of myself I really missed them a lot. I sure felt a little sorry that I left right away after the graduation ceremony. But oh well…it’s not like I’m never gonna see them again. We’re all going to Laguna this Friday for Maricris’ birthday, so I guess we’ll be able to bond at least once before we all go our seperate ways.

And speaking of seperate ways, I just realized that this is the first week of April. Which means that I will be hearing from Sarah Lawrence College anytime soon. Ugh. If they don’t accept me, I swear I will kill myself. (Actually I won’t, but you know what I mean.) Even if they don’t give enough aid…to know that I am good enough for Sarah Lawrence is enough for my fragile ego. I mean, I worked so damn hard on those essays and that short story analysis. I don’t want all that effort to be wasted. People at school keep asking me why I’m still not content with the fact that I got accepted in Ateneo. Well…I don’t know. Maybe it’s not my nature to be content. Maybe I want to show everyone that in spite of myself I can get into a really, really good school. There’s nothing wrong with reaching for your dreams. Why can’t people see that? I wish everyone would just leave me alone.

If I get accepted but without enough financial aid, I will do whatever I can to get that money. I really wanna study there. If I don’t get accepted…well I’m not stupid enough to kill myself, but I will probably be very very depressed about it.

God, I’m getting all nervous again. I thought I should be free from worrying about colleges by now?!?