Who’d have thought I’d still have some teenage angst left in me?

I am completely horrified at the fact that my social life is coming to a complete standstill. Stephen is going to Baguio this weekend; therefore we won’t be seeing each other on Saturday. I guess I can go out with Chris, but he’ll want to bring his other friends along so I’m not sure about that. I asked Angelica if she wanted to catch a movie with me, but she still hasn’t replied to my text message. Denilou is at Tagaytay, Kriya is at the States, I forgot to get Bea’s number, Aiza is too ditzy, Glyka is always broke, and I would rather be stuck at home than call Michelle up. This leaves me with…..absolutely nothing to do until the 8th.

My social skills are rapidly deteriorating. I hate how I mutate into a sucky version of myself around people I don’t know well. I am very worried that I won’t make any friends in college. I wouldn’t stress over this so much if any of my friends were also going to Ateneo, but everyone’s at La Salle or UST so I’m really in this thing alone. Jason once told me that I worry too much over what other people think of me, and I think he might be right. Yeah, he’s definitely right. I guess the best thing I should do is be myself; that way people will like me for me. But it’s scaring me how I don’t know who I really am anymore. I used to be so headstrong about my principles in life. I used to tune out other people’s opinions about me. Whatever happened to that now?

My mom constantly tells me that I’m a lot like my grandma, and I think that is one of the worst things I could ever be. She’s nice, but sometimes it’s all a front you know? Now that I think of it, I realize that I am a lot like her. I’m a hypocrite. I’m overly sensitive. I worry too much about what people think. I always say yes even when I mean no.

And I hate who I’ve become. I don’t mean my grandma, but me. I really do.

*angst*

Donation

The ugly face of boredom

I…
Need…
A…
Social…
Life…

Okay, so I know that I’m going to Enchanted Kingdom with Chris and Steve on Saturday. And I’ll be going to Celebrity with my cousins tomorrow. But that’s still not enough. I spend most of my days at home talking to my boyfriend, and that’s fine because I love talking to him. But I bet I wouldn’t be complaining of boredom at all if Jason were here. Like, in the Philippines.

I need to be with my humans friends! I need to go out. I thought of maybe catching a movie with Angelica this week, but then suddenly realized that our parents might not allow us because we might catch SARS instead. (Stupid, stupid SARS scare!)

The suckiest part is that most of my friends are homebodies, so they don’t really feel the strong need to go out. They don’t mind staying at home. I don’t really mind it at home either, but it just gets too boring and I just hate not being part of things. So yeah. Must…survive…the summer… *angst*

Mia is throwing a party at her house for all the LJ people two weeks from now and I kind of want to go because at least it will give me something to do. I haven’t been to a party since March, can you believe that?! But then again, I really don’t feel like going. It’s not just because I promised Jason that I wouldn’t drink (which makes it pointless to go to Mia’s since it’s an inuman (drinking) party after all). But I only have a good time at parties when I’m with people I know well. If the only thing I know about the people present are their first names (in this case, LiveJournal usernames–I don’t even know all of their first names), then I’m bound to be too shy to strike up conversations with them. And since I know everyone else pretty much knows everyone well already, I’m sure they’ll all be telling inside jokes or talking about the mutual friends or people that I don’t know. To go? Or not to go? I think not.

My life sucks. *angst*

In other news, I already found a place to stay! For safety reasons I’m not gonna tell you all where it is; the only thing I can say publicly is that it is in Katipunan Ave. If you really wanna know, you can always ask me. But I’ll only tell people who will promise to visit me, haha.

(Does anyone from school still read this? I’m just curious.)