If I�m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

March 24th, 2003 with 266 views

It’s happening. I did all that I could in my power to prevent it, and when I couldn’t prevent it, I tried to delay it for as long as I can. But it’s already here and I can’t fight it anymore. I think I will just lie down and go with the damn flow…

I think I’m in love. Or falling in love, anyway.

And it’s not necessarily a good thing because I don’t know if I can handle all the responsibilities and the emotional baggage that comes with it. I don’t even think I’m selfless enough to care for anyone other than myself.

The thing is, I feel like I don’t deserve his love. It’s so weird…I’ve always been hurt by the guys I liked. But now that someone wonderful has entered my life, someone so unlike all the other guys I’ve met, I feel like I don’t deserve him. God doesn’t make guys like him anymore. He should be with someone who is more worthy. Of course, he doesn’t think so because he finds me perfect. But really…I’m not.

Am I even falling for him for the right reasons? I think I might be after self-gratification again. It’s the why that really confuses me. Why do I think I love him?

I don’t know. I just feel it in my heart.

Should people need a reason for falling in love, anyway? Is it possible to decide that you love someone without having to go through the tedious process of analyzing the why of it?

Maybe love is be something that can be learned as time passes by. Maybe that’s exactly what’s happening to me right now. I think I need to give it more time.

My head’s starting to hurt from all this thinking.

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10 Responses to “If I�m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?”

Eeyore on March 24, 2003 11:45 pm
Well it sounds like u got bitten by the love bug. Congratulations may be in order. I just think that love is great and thats though I just got through a break up. Let the guy decide whether you are perfect for him after all its his choice to want to be with you

Just do what you feel is right, but I believe in the credence of love that if u feel like saying ‘I love you’ you better say it before the moment passes you by and it may be too late.

Just my two cents. I hope it works out for you.
James on March 25, 2003 07:46 am
I wouldn’t worry too much about analysing it Lauryn - in my experience, love is difficult, if not impossible, to quantify and explain.

Just embrace it, and see where it takes you!
Emily on March 25, 2003 07:56 am
Reading your entry brings back memories. I find it cute, even though you may find it both cute and disgusting that you’re in love. I don’t think you necessarily have to have a reason to fall in love. Like you said, you just feel it.

Good luck on what happens next, by the way.
gia on March 25, 2003 08:56 am
aww that’s so sweet. I want to fall in love. I hope things work out for you. Don’t fight it, girl.
Matthew on March 25, 2003 06:01 pm
Well, your entry sounded just like what my (now ex) girlfriend said to her friends about how she felt with me. She felt she didn’t deserve me, that she wasn’t good enough, etc. etc. To be honest, I felt the same way.

It’s possible that you’re in the same situation, or something similar. Don’t know if the advice is useful or anything, but try and accept that he loves you for what you are, and that’s all that anyone can ask. I say “be content”, and I know that it’s not as simple as just starting to “be content”, but beyond that I can’t think of anything to say…
Matthew on March 25, 2003 06:42 pm
oh, and happy birthday
lauryn on March 25, 2003 09:37 pm
I’ll keep that all in mind. Hehe… I don’t think love should be analyzed anyway. I hope things work out though!
gail on March 25, 2003 10:01 pm
ey lauryn there’s no harm in falling in love. i mean, it’s not like you can’t make yourself not fall in love right? i don’t want to fall in love either but right now, i’m crushing on someone from school and i so hate the feeling because i find myself daydreaming. believe me, i’m not that typical i-love-boys girl but this guy is something else and that sucks
Margaux on March 25, 2003 11:18 pm
Hmmm… don’t think waaay too much into it. But what do I know, my love life’s non-existent. But I’m happy for yah, Lauryn.
Liz on August 13, 2005 08:14 am
Hey, I was doing a search on the internet, and I stumbled across this journal entry. I just wanted to say that this is exactly what I am feeling right now. I couldn’t have explained it better, and I don’t think I need to. What you said was pure poetry. I know you don’t know me, and I hope I am not freaking you out, lol, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t the only one going through this. And I think no one ever feels worthy of their “Love Interest”. I know this entry is really old, so this problem you had is gone, I just wanted to say thanks for putting my feelings into words when I could hardly mention his name.