How many times have your friends let you down?

I should be happy. No, happy’s not the word….more like triumphant. Something kind of bad happened to someone I don’t really like. You don’t know something good when it’s right in front of your face kasi. Buti nga sa ‘yo!!! I know. I should be laughing, right? Because that’s what I do when people I don’t like receive serious karmic consequences.

So why do I still feel so horrible?

I dunno. I guess I still kind of miss you.

School was all right, and I was actually in a relatively good mood today. But it’s impossible to be entirely cheerful when you’re having PMS. As the day progressed, two certain people kind of got on my nerves. Since people from school actually read my website now, I won’t be mentioning any names. But if you’re from my class you probably know who I’m talking about.

[shallow rant] There’s this girl who has a really, really awesome voice in my class. She was a lead in Aida and my asshole music teacher’s pet. The thing is, she always sings very loudly in class. Always. As though to remind us that she has a great voice and we don’t. But what really annoyed me about her today is this. Since last year, I’ve been using the expression “grr” whenever I’m pissed or annoyed. But then she started using it recently, and now everyone in class thinks it’s cute because it’s coming from her. I don’t even get any fucking credit for my expressions, now she comes along and steals it from me. Great. [/shallow rant]

But I guess this is what bothered me mostly this morning. My so-called ka-barkada is such a fucking social climber. I thought she had changed the day we went to the UA&P Freshmen Orientation because she was actually very friendly to Angelica and me. I should’ve known that the only reason she was really nice and talkative to us was because her fellow popular friends from school weren’t there. She came up to our table at recess today only to get a sip from someone’s drink, and she totally ignored me, as though we’ve never been friends in the first place. Now I don’t mind that she has new friends and all; in fact, I’m glad that she finally achieved her dream of belonging with the Chosen Few. But I hate being used. Wonder if she’ll still be “popular” in college.

As far as I know, it looks like my barkada is gone. We hang out with each other for the sake of tradition, but we all live in totally different planets. How strange to grow apart fom each other even before graduating from high school. I dunno. I find it hard to relate to Maricris because ever since she started going out with Butch, she’s been hanging out with the “Don Bosco Girls”. They only talk about one thing: Bosconians. Therefore it’s quite difficult for me to find things to talk about with her since she isn’t very talkative in the first place, and I don’t know any Bosconians I can ooh and ahh over.

An attempt to have a conversation with Maricris:
“So how are you and Butch? (Maricris’ boyfriend)”
“Oh, we’re okay naman.”
Silence.

Denilou is still a friend, but she’s so secretive and moody. She never really tells me anything, and even if she trusted me enough to let me into her mind, she wouldn’t have time to talk to me since she’s *always* on the phone. And I dunno…she’s really sweet and all but she isn’t exactly the kind of person you can run to when you have problems because God knows she has a lot of her own to deal with.

Well, at least I still have Angelica and Victor. They’re the only real friends I have. Everyone else are just acquaintances. Gimmick-mates. Whatever.