Why does it always rain on me even when the sun is shining?

I guess the only single people in the barkada now are Angelica and me. This morning, Glyka told us excitedly that she and Ducky are already going out with each other. Ducky is this rather totoy-looking dude who is jologs and smaller than she is, but I guess if she really loves him then who am I to stop her? I felt thrilled when I heard the news and I jumped up and down and told her I was very, very, happy for her.

You know what’s weird? Every time I hear stories about people getting together or falling in love, I tend to feel jealous of the couple or that person. And it’s depressing because then I become more painfully aware of the fact that I often feel lonely when I’m not feeling heartbroken over some stupid asshole. But when I told Glyka that I was happy for her, I seriously meant it. I don’t know. I guess I’m not so bothered about being single anymore. I suppose it’s because I’m kind of swearing off love for now. I dunno…it’s just something I don’t really need at the moment. In the first place, I’m still far from convinced that the majority of straight guys out there aren’t jerks who look at women as walking, talking, fuck dolls. And I guess in spite of all my experiences, I still don’t know how to love or how to deal with someone who loves me.

In any case, I’m perfectly contented with myself and with whatever friendships I have right now. I don’t need some guy to make me feel (temporarily) happy and special.

We were supposed to watch this play at the Araneta Coliseum, and while I was sitting in the bus and staring out the window, I had a vision. Well, “vision” might not be the correct word to describe what I experienced back there. But here’s what it was like. The bus was still parked, and I was staring at the leaves of the tree that were squished against the window. And then out of nowhere, in my mind, I kind of saw who my next boyfriend (obsession? love?) would be. It all happened in a split-second, and I didn’t really get to see what he looked like. But he has this certain physical characteristic that can’t be found on just any guy. I don’t want to say what that characteristic is cos it might not come true. But it’s enough for me to recognize him when (if) I do see him. Whoever he is…I intend to find him. Or maybe somewhere, wherever he is, he had a vision of me at that exact moment. And I won’t have to look for him, because I’m much easier to find.

Ugh. When will I ever stop believing in happily ever after?!?!?