I think I need a holiday from myself

February 12th, 2003 with 140 views

I thought I had already outgrown my teenage angst a very long time ago. Apparently not. I’ve been feeling quite moody lately, and it’s not PMS. One minute cheerful, the next minute brooding. I’m feeling better right now, though. Chris just called and even if we only talked for like a minute or two, I felt strangely better after our conversation. Thank God for friends. Awhile ago I felt like I was about to go completely out of my mind.

———

You know what? I think I need to listen to more hip-hop music. Or more cheerful music, anyway. I can really relate to a lot of the songs I’ve been listening to right now, but I think they just make me feel even worse. “I’m dressed all in blue and I’m remembering you / and the dress you wore when you broke my heart / I’m depressed upstairs and I’m remembering where / and when and how and why / you have to go so far.” See what I mean? It’s a great song, but how’s that gonna improve my mood?

The problem is, most of my hip-hop mp3s are a bit outdated and I’m getting tired of listening to Hey Ma. So…*searching*

Gangsta’s Paradise reminds me too much of guns and war.

What’s Love reminds me too much of, well, love.

Ahh, here we go. Weedman. Even though this song reminds me too much of the times when I practically lived at the mall, it’s catchy enough. Then again, remembering the good old days makes me feel kind of sad…

UGH! I’m seriously worried that I might be turning into one of those people who can never be happy, or into the depressed, suicidal writer stereotype, or something. My biggest fear is that I might have some sort of chemical imbalance or mental disorder. I mean, it could be possible. And that’s scary because I’ve seen enough horror movies and played enough games to develop an irrational fear for mental hospitals. Then again, maybe my mood swings are just caused by good old teenage angst. But if that’s the case, then why do I feel like I’m the only one suffering from it? I just don’t know how I can be so moody when my friends and everyone else in my school seems so…happy.

Filed under entries |

Related Posts

Be updated with New Media Events and Contests by subscribing below:

6 Responses to “I think I need a holiday from myself”

BLOGGED ---at the-protagonist.net on February 12, 2003 04:18 pm
[...] MS. One minute cheerful, the next minute brooding.[read more?] lauryn @ 05:17 am [...]
Rebecca on February 13, 2003 05:23 am
fun funky music is all about i like anything fun and funky! it does make you happier!!!
smile (:
Daynah on February 13, 2003 02:18 pm
Sweetie, you don’t have any mental disorder! You’re just going through those tough teen years. *sigh* I remember those days… sometimes happy… sometimes sad… just sitting around comtemplating about love and life. *hugs* Things will turn out the best for you, I just know it. So don’t worry too much.
Chris A. on February 13, 2003 06:17 pm
try some of that happy hardcore techno music, sure it sounds cheesy but it sure beats the sad sounds of rock. and nothing goes wrong with love songs, i dunno… just love songs make me feel better. hopefully things go good for you in the future, you don’t deserve to be sad… no one does.
aaron on February 14, 2003 10:56 am
Woah, is this true “I might have some sort of chemical imbalance or mental disorder. I mean, it could be possible. And that’s scary because I’ve seen enough horror movies and played enough games to develop an irrational fear for mental hospitals”?
You might not be alone, I love violent ngmes too.
Well maybe,teenage stress.
Maria on February 17, 2003 08:21 am
Try Raise Up All City Remix by Petey Pablo it’s an awesome song