With a friend like me, who needs enemies?

Angelica and I had an argument at recess today. I was kind of in a bad mood this morning, having gone through two not very easy quizzes, and you know how bad moods can get. When you’re in a bad mood, you start thinking about all sorts of shit, and at that moment I happened to remember a certain guy problem I had. I decided to rant about it and ask for her advice. Not that love is her expertise, but I needed to talk to someone.

After only saying a sentence or two describing my current dilemma, she interrupted me. “You know what Lauryn? You fall in love too easily. Last week it was this guy. And now it’s someone else. Make up your mind!”

“In love? Who says I’m in love? And is falling in love too easily such a bad thing?”

She nodded. “Yeah, it kind of is. Especially since you’re going to college..it would be useless to get into a relationship right now.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Who’s saying anything about a relationship? I’m not dating anyone. And what I’m feeling right now is more of a crush, really–than love. But still, it’s a pretty big deal! I honestly can’t decide whether he likes me or not. He’s been acting kind of aloof lately, but then there was this one time last week when he–”

And then she interrupted me again. “Look, I’m sorry to tell you this but you’re starting to act like Michelle.”

I stopped talking and stared at her openmouthed. What she just said was the last thing in the world I expected to hear. I couldn’t believe it! How dare she compare me to Michelle?

I was so stunned that I couldn’t find anything to say back to her. Angelica continued. “I mean you’re overanalyzing things and assuming that a guy likes you just because he’s being nice and friendly. And remember what you told me about Glyka? How you don’t like the way she gets a huge crush on every single guy she becomes friends with?”

I couldn’t decide if I was pissed, hurt, or both at that moment. That was totally uncalled for. How cruel and inconsiderate of her! I was at a crisis here. And that was all she could say to me? That I’m overanalyzing things? That I like every single guy I become friends with? She didn’t even pretend to listen!

“Well excuuuuuse me,” I snapped. “You have absolutely no right to judge me because you don’t even know the whole story. You know what? Just forget it.”

I was totally fuming at the unfairness of my love life and my social life. Angelica is supposed to be the only person in school who really understands me. Well, now I know that she obviously doesn’t. Which kind of made me depressed. It sucks when nobody understands you.

At that point, Denilou joined us at our table and noticed the tension between us. She tried to liven things up by making friendly conversation but I was too pissed to talk. From the corner of my eye I could see Denilou mouth “What’s wrong?” I didn’t look at Angelica but I imagined she was telling her how I’ve been acting like a total, boy-crazy airhead. Yeah, boy-crazy, as though we were still in the sixth grade.

After recess we had Math class, and we were only going to write down notes today since thirty minutes of the period will be used for our senior class pictorial. I was sitting quietly at my seat, minding my own business and paying no attention to everyone else like I always do. And then suddenly, somebody called my name.

“Hey, Lauryn. Lauryn!” Meg, one of my more gregarious classmates, yelled. “What does this saying mean? ‘With friends like these, who needs enemies’?”

One disadvantage of being an English-speaker in a non-English speaking environment means that everybody automatically thinks that I can define every single difficult word, fix every single grammatical error, and explain every single English saying or proverb.

Because I was still a little preoccupied with fixing my notes, I couldn’t find the right words to explain it. And then I suddenly realized that the saying had a connection to my fight with Angelica earlier. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?” With a friend like Angelica, who can’t even listen to my guy problems, I certainly don’t need any more enemies.

When I didn’t respond right away, Meg called out again. “It means that when you’ve got a lousy friend, you don’t need any enemies anymore, right?”

“Uhh..sorta,” I said, still slightly distracted. I went back to writing my notes–which is no menial task, because I like my notes to be neat, clean and orderly. I had barely picked my pen up when the whole class started laughing. Hard.

I looked up again, confused. What was so funny about what I just said?

Then when everyone started to make side comments, it occured to me that they were laughing at the way I said “sorta”. Not that there was anything very unusual about the way I said it; I said it the way I normally do. But I guess it must’ve been everybody’s first time to hear the word “sorta” used in an actual conversation, because the laughter died after quite a long time.

Several people were imitating the way I said it (”Sorta! Sorta!“), which I ignored. Somebody said, “Grabe..mga Atenista talaga!“, which I ignored too. But when I hear someone say really loud, “Hay..ganyan talaga ang mga conyo!” (Conyos are really like that), I began to get irritated. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s when people label me as a coño because I speak English. What the fuck is up with that? Can’t a girl speak English in this country without being stereotyped as a stuck-up elitist or accused of denying her Filipino identity?

Eventually, everyone grew weary of laughing at the way I said “sorta” and directed their attention to other more profound things. Shortly after, our homeroom adviser told us to go downstairs for our class pictorial. After what just happened, I was no longer in the mood for a pictorial, so I stayed in the classroom a little longer. The truth is, I’m so used to everyone finding my accent so amusing that I don’t even pay attention to it anymore. It’s just that this is the first time since seventh grade that the entire class laughed. I’m not insulted or anything. In fact, I actually find it kind of funny how they’re still the same sheltered people they were five years ago. I know it isn’t their fault that they happen to be ignorant little pricks. But for the millionth time, I couldn’t help wondering if anyone would laugh at the way I speak English if I had gone to a different high school.

I decided that brooding over things I can’t change would do me no good, so I made my way out of the classroom. But before I could reach the door, Angelica suddenly stepped in front of me.

“Hey, you know what Meg said about friends and enemies really hit me hard. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I really am. It was rude and tactless of me…”

I forgave her about five minutes later. In spite of her lack of experiences and her slight naivete, Angelica really is the only person in school who understands me. At least, when it comes to things like this. As we made our way downstairs, I began ranting about how irritated I was at everybody’s infantile behavior. “It was so stupid! It’s as if it was their first time to ever hear the word sorta used before.”