Maybe it’s trite but I can always be wrong

I got my report card today, and it still never fails to amaze me how I managed to pass all those universities with my lousy grades. At least I don’t have a grade in the line of 7 anymore, but still. Even though I improved in a lot of subjects (Math and Calculus!), some of my grades got lower. Like my Filipino grade went down by five points. I try my best, but it’s really not my fault if I get easily confused when it comes to diagramming sentences–in Filipino and in English. What really depressed me was when I saw my batch rank. I know I’m not exactly a genius, but I was really quite shocked learn that I’m rank 41 out of 72 people. I belong to the lower 50% of my batch. So what if the differences between our averages were just point something? It still meant that a lot of people got higher grades than I did. I really couldn’t help feeling like some sort of dunce, even if Denilou told me I don’t really need to prove that I’m smart anymore. I guess she’s right, but I still can’t help wishing that I could’ve done better.

I learned from Maria this afternoon that the UP results would be released today. Which was a really freaky thing, because last night I had this dream that the UPCAT results were already posted on the website. I did a search on my name and I passed, but just barely. And then below my name was an announcement which said that everyone who passed the UPCAT had to take another test because there were just way too many freshmen. Weird. So anyway, I kind of spread the word to my classmates and everyone’s all nervous about the results. I kind of am too. Now that I think about it, I kind of want to go to UP now. I mean, just making it to UP means you’re the cream of the crop. BUt then again, I’d probably feel even more like a total idiot in there. I bet everyone at UP would be smarter than me or speak better Tagalog than me, which would make me feel totally out of place. Oh well. I wouldn’t be very upset if I don’t make it, but I would still really like to pass.

I’m even having second thoughts about New York. If I’m really meant to go to Sarah Lawrence, then I’m sure I’ll get enough financial aid. But if I don’t, then I’m not gonna force it. I really don’t mind going to college here.

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I met up with Wayne at Rockwell after school and it’s really quite amusing how we’re already hanging out with each other even though I only gave him my cellphone number exactly a week ago. I just wish I could’ve met him sooner cos he’s leaving for Australia in two weeks. But whatever..he’s coming back on November, and we could probably have more bonding time then.

It was funny cos Wayne kept telling me how he gained weight and how he can never find the right size of pants here since he wears a size 42. So even though he had pictures in his website, I imagined him to look quite…healthy. I had a friend who wore size 45 pants and he was rather…healthy. So yeah. I told Wayne to meet me at Page One just in case he would be late (which he was), I can at least amuse myself by reading a book or something. I was just doing that, sitting on some steps and reading this rather interesting novel written by this deaf skater guy. Suddenly I got a text message, and without even looking at my cell I knew that was him telling me that he’s here. So I looked up from my book, made eye-contact with this guy standing not too far away from me, and then we just kind of stared at each other for a few seconds. It took a while, but my brain eventually said to me, “That’s Wayne.” And I was surprised because he wasn’t at all what I imagined him to look like. He was actually quite…cute. I’m telling you, his pictures don’t do justice to what he really looks like.

I had fun today. We ate at Zaifu’s, played billiards, messed around in the arcade, had coffee and a lengthy conversation at Seattle’s Best. And then I remembered something Angelica told me before, that she admires me cos I can do “guy stuff” with guys, like play billiards (even though I’m horrible at it) and go to an arcade. And I thought, “What else can you do when you’re with a guy if not “guy stuff” like billiards and video games?” Maybe that’s why Angelica doesn’t meet too many guys. She’s really pretty and all, but I don’t think she really knows how to get along with them.

Then again..maybe the reason why I’m not romantically involved with anyone is because I do too much “guy stuff” with guys that I don’t really get to be a girl around them anymore. Hmm.