Although I cannot fly, I’m not content to crawl

I feel that I’m stagnating as a writer. I don’t know. We all got the December issue of the school paper today and my God, it was horrible. Full of trite, sentimental crap about Christmas and friendship and love, and pro-administration articles. I know that being on the school paper looks good on my college application forms, but as far as I’m concerned, by being on the paper is nothing more than an additional name in the list of staffers printed at the back front cover.

I swear, I am so pissed. My short story wasn’t published again. Okay, so maybe it didn’t have a Christmas theme but Jesus. We never get the damn thing on time and now it’s February and no one wants to read about Christmas at this time of the year. And I don’t understand why the hell the poetry page looks more like an obituary section with the serious borders surrounding each poem. I thought Kriya would make a good editor-and-chief, and that Tracy would do a great job as the layout artist. I’m not saying that they’re lousy or anything, but I know I could’ve done a better job. Or I dunno, maybe Kriya was overruled by the bitchy school paper moderator. She can’t speak English for shit and she’s pro-administration, which means there’s no freedom of speech for the writers. I hate that because the school paper is for the students and who would want to read “A Tribute To The School Principal” when everybody thinks she’s a hypocritical bitch?

GRRR. I hate that nobody in my school gives me a chance to do stuff just because I’m not an honor student who sucks up to all my teachers. I do a pretty fair amount of sucking up to teachers, and I don’t exactly get low grades. But all the students who have what little authority is allowed to be given them are always at least in the Top Ten. It’s really unfair. Stupid fucking school paper. At least everybody else thought the December issue really sucked. And two of my classmates (who are good writers and whom I respect very much though my pride would never allow me to admit it to them) suggested that we seniors write our own paper and pass it around school before we graduate. Sure, my stupid school could withhold our diplomas or report cards because of that. But it’s a very good idea and I hope we really push through with it.

But whatever. I really hate my school. Sometimes I wonder if my high school experience might’ve been more fun if I studied somewhere else. Then again, I doubt I would’ve been any happier if I went to another school. I’d probably still have mainstream friends and immature, shallow batchmates. I dunno. Maybe I’m just one of those people who do not enjoy high school, but who (hopefully) have a great time at college. Until then…I’ve only got around three or four more weeks of classes to go.