I don’t wanna talk cos there’s nothing left to say
Something odd happened today. While sitting in class today, I suddenly experienced my first grip of fear about going to college.
I observed that on a daily basis, I only talk to about four to six people at school (out of the 71 in my batch and the 500 something in my high school). When I say “talk”, I don’t mean like “Can I borrow your whiteout?” In spite of what you think, I’m not that much of a loser. I meant “talk” like a real conversation. And aside from my friends, I hardly converse with anyone else. Does that mean that I’m really picky, really snobby, or just really antisocial?
And that worried me very much because what if I stay that way during the first crucial days of college? Specifically during the ORSEM thing. I mean, three days of forced bonding with my fellow freshmen? I think not. I practically had a vision: everyone else is getting to know each other, laughing and having a good time and totally getting into the batch spirit (do they still have that crap in college?). Me–just sitting in a corner and glaring at everyone and hating society for no reason in particular.
It was very disturbing. Not that “vision” I had, but just the mere fact that I am actually afraid of going to college. I scoffed at everyone else who was worried about leaving the safety of their circle of friends, and here I am experiencing the sam fear! My circle may be a small one, and it may be a very mainstream circle, but it’s still a circle. It protects me from having to mingle with people I don’t like. Within that circle I can truly be myself.
I know that Chris will be going to Ateneo too, which is a cool thing because he’s one of my really close friends. But he’ll probably be spending a lot of time with his high school friends. So that doesn’t really help me much.
But my biggest fear is this: what if college really is just high school with beer? What if everyone else is still totally trapped in high school and all the girls are superficial and all the guys are assholes and because of that I can’t talk to anyone and I end up hating everyone in school like I do now?
I think I watch too many college movies.
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11 Responses to “I don’t wanna talk cos there’s nothing left to say”
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[...] if college really is just high school with beer? [read more?] lauryn @ 05:55 am [...]
Essentially, college is almost like high school with beer but it’s also something much more than that. You’ll find your mix of not-so-nice-people but also the people who impact you in so many positive ways. Just think, there will be thousands of people who are in a similar mindframe as you — scared about mingling, etc. It’s okay to be scared.. it’ll help you be more prepared for what’s to come, which is going to be a lot of social fun and intellectually stimulating material!
lele’s said it already. the first couple of days will make u anxious. just think of college as a very big soiree. people are more open minded there, and to mention the fact that you’re going to ateneo, u dont hafta worry. worry about the profs not your blockmates ;p
I couldn’t post a comment on LJ. Bah.
Anyway, that’s normal…even if I was so excited for college, I felt afraid at the last few months of high school, especially since I’m one of the very few who are going to DLSU. But don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll meet friends there.
Besides, Ateneo is a big university. You don’t have to be stuck within your block with your friends. 
high school with beer? wht more could you ask for? :DDD
Seriously though, not being part of the US based educational system I have absolutely no idea what you should expect, so you may want to completely disregard this comment
Sure, college is a little bit like high school but I’ve found it to be a whole lot different. You run into a lot of snobbiness and folks you don’t particularly like, but the beauty of it is if you really don’t like a person, it’s much easier to avoid them than it is in high school when you’re forced to be with them for 6 or 7 hours a day.
As far as worrying about Chris spending a lot of time with his high school friends… Yeah, he might still be buddy buddy with them, but one of the things I’ve observed is that even when friends go to the same college, they often go seperate ways and make new friends.
The best advice I can give you is to just to be open to meeting new people, and just be yourself.
go find a bf gurl!!!
college for me was way different from high school. and since i come from a very liberal university, i couldn’t help but feel the culture shock after years in an uptight high school environment. but then, like you i guess, i was an aloof person all my life. i still am, but it never really affected my college life. i go to school, mingle with a few people and do what i’m supposed to do. i was never really a popular person in my block, nor in my department, and it didn’t affect my productivity at all. just go study hard, have fun once in a while and take it one day at a time.
What does getting a boyfriend have to do with my fears about being a loner in college?
what’s up with the boyfriend comment? jeez. getting a guy doesn’t solve anything.
anyway, college… well, college is a bit like high school. there are stereotypes, weirdoes, people you like and people you like. the diversity will just blow you away… just be yourself and have an open mind when interacting with new people.
my friends from ateneo said the ORSEM was fun… though it felt more like one big soiree or high school party rather than a college orientation. i wouldn’t know a thing about that… 
it is natural to feel afraid. when i first started college, i was the ONLY one from my school to go to that college during that intake so i knew no one at all. i was incredibly lonely and lost for the first day but by the time orientation started, i had made a bunch of friends! just be yourself and you’ll definitely meet people you’ll like to be friends with. now in college, i only have a small group of close friends although i mingle with everyone else. it’s basically a bit like high school too. don’t worry so much, lauryn. i’m sure you’ll enjoy college. good luck.