In many ways I have remained angsty and insecure
I have this really bad habit of comparing myself to other people, and it doesn’t do wonders for my self-esteem. Kriya brought her scrapbook to school today for some reason, and I had a look at it. Although most of the pictures in it were of people from school and her family, she also had a good number of pictures from several parties she went to. She’s the kind of girl who hangs out with Beautiful People, aka models and half-Caucasians, and looking at her party pictures suddenly made me more aware of the blah-ness of my social life. Let’s see…when was the last time I went to a party? Two months ago (it wasn’t even a very good one at that). What time did I go home? Midnight. Did I meet any Beautiful People? Sorta, but they were only strictly superficial relationships (if you can even call them relationships). *sigh* It’s been a long time since I had an exciting Friday night. But for once, I wish I’d be dragged into a party filled with Normal, Completely Average People such as myself. I think normal people make better friends.
We had the batch Christmas party this morning at school, and although it was kind of fun cos we played hip-hop music really loud, I somehow felt that I didn’t really belong. I really don’t like these batch activities. I’ve been going to school with these people for four years and still I feel as though I’m on the outside looking in. An infestimal dot in the big picture. I know I won’t be in high school forever and everyone’s like, “We should cherish these moments we have together.” But what’s to cherish? High school for me has been both good and bad, and I like to think of it as something people have to go through and get over with. A prerequisite to the real world. I’m probably the only girl in my batch who’s looking forward to graduation.
Oh, and speaking of graduation, I already have a dress in mind for my grad ball. I decided to forget about the 50s dress because fixing my hair would be kind of a hassle. But this has got to be the perfect formal gown.
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3 Responses to “In many ways I have remained angsty and insecure”
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[...] ple, and it doesn’t do wonders for my self-esteem.[read more?] lauryn @ 06:01 amComments ( [...]
The dress is pretty!!! especially the sorta hand gloves..cute…
I wonder if part of your feeling that you’re an outsider at school is because you are, relatively speaking, compared with your online life. You’re the ultimate insider here at your (rightfully) poplular protagonist sites and I presume there are other sites where you couldn’t be called an outsider.
By the way, I really like the “Juliet” dress idea for you, _much_ more than the ’50s dress. It’s historical, but fun and fictional, but real. Seems like that color would compliment your skin tone, too.