I was punk, now I’m just stupid
Blah. I’ve been quite emotional the past two days for no apparent reason. One minute I’m happy, the next I’m brooding over some inconsequential thing or another. Right now I have this really weird urge to just cry…and I’m not even sad! Grrr. Sounds a lot like PMS to me.
I found out this morning that Patsy’s younger sister, who is a sophomore and who is also my sister’s sort of rival, is already sixteen years old. I felt so freaking young when I heard that. I seem to be going through life so quickly. I can’t believe that Patsy’s sister is still dealing with frog dissection, whereas I’m already on my last year of high school. I think it’s kind of cool being one of the youngest seniors in school, but there’s some pressure in it too. The few sixteen-year olds who are in my batch skipped seventh grade, so they’re like, really smart and get ridiculously high grades. There’s also this other girl, Paula, who’s only a month older than me. But then she’s a total genius when it comes to math, and she gets better grades than I do. In other words, I get the lowest grades among the other sixteen year-olds in my batch. *sigh* I know that it’s bad to compare myself to other people. And I know that the fact that I’m behind everyone else in my age group should inspire me to study harder. But that’s not how I work. Thinking about it makes me feel like a consummate idiot. Like a dumb blonde, complete with the accent and mannerisms, only I have black hair. I try my best in school, I really do. But my best is obviously never enough because my grades still suck.
I look forward to the day when looking younger than my true age will be a blessing instead of a curse. Some petite people look their age. Michelle, for instance, is as short as me but she looks sixteen. I suppose it’s because I never wear makeup, but there’s something more than my lack of interest in cosmetics that makes me look so young. My naivete? Maybe, but then again, a lot of my batchmates are naive too and they’re older than I am. And it can’t be because I haven’t had my share of life experiences or problems either. Why I look like an eternal fourteen-year old will always remain a mystery to me. It might sound dumb to some people, but it’s one of the things I like to wonder about when I have nothing better to think of.
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6 Responses to “I was punk, now I’m just stupid”
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[...] ooding over some inconsequential thing or another.[read more?] lauryn @ 05:41 amComments ( [...]
I was sixteen during my senior year (turned 16 december of that year and didn’t skip grade 7) and I felt the same way when I was in high school which is probably the reason I took a year off. The thing you’ll learn is that you are as intelligent, if not more intelligent, than those girls. They have the book smarts, like they know how to study and memorize, but they have as much common sense and intelligence as a rock. Remember that intelligent and smart are two different things. Book smarts will get you some places but intelligence is what really counts. Notice that you probably rank higher than them IQ wise? IQ monitors intelligence not smart. Put a logic puzzle in front of them and I assure you that you will solve it faster. The smartest girl in our school (she was valedictorian) took the sat’s 4 times and got the same score as me when I took it once. She was also two years older than me.
You sound so sad. Don’t be.
it does sound a much like pms issues *hugs* i love you chica
don’t doubt your talent. you are a special and intelligent personal. pms sucks to deal with. you feel frustrated and there is not solution. hope things get better.
dont worry about it! at least you’re as competent as your older batchmates right? you should be proud
well…fine, sometimes it can be sad (at least for me)… ill be a 15 year-old senior