Whatever I’ll say, I’ll always love you

Perhaps I read all my signs wrong. Maybe my dreams were telling me to do the exact opposite. I thought that last night might be the time to call him up, just to say hi. But I guess not. I couldn’t get through because the line was busy, and when the phone did ring I found out that he was at work. But his mom (who answered the phone–real nice lady) was surprised and happy to hear from me after so long. She asked how my family was doing and all that, and said that she’ll have him call me. That’s a laugh. All these years, the only time he ever called was to tell me that he’d be late a couple of minutes. He doesn’t e-mail or IM me. He’d probably still expect me to call him first even if I were dying from a highly virulent virus that’s eating up my larynx, but I left my new number just the same. I hung up feeling quite dejected.

I know that it’s useless to love someone who doesn’t care about you. There’s nothing more I want than to get over him, since I probably cannot have him. But then again, you can’t really choose the person you fall in love with. Maybe it’s my destiny to love him until the day I die. I mean, by now my selective memory should’ve erased him from my mind completely. But he’s still there, haunting me in my sleep, and it’s sad. It really is. Okay, enough melodrama.

I went shopping yesterday. I was finally able to buy my much coveted skirt from Geek Boutique, and some cute red-and-black striped socks that I can wear with my platform doll shoes. I think I want to start dressing differently again. I’m getting bored with the usual top-jeans-sandals ensemble. And I like it how people stare at me when I wear something unusual. The looks on their faces are so funny, like they don’t know if they should like me or hate me. I swear, there is very little individuality in the Philippines.