Right now I feel invisible to you, like I’m not real

Listening to: So I Fall Again - Phantom Planet

Annie called me last night to ask me if I was going to watch the Move & Groove competition at PICC at 1 pm today. It’s this inter-school dance competition and my school’s dance club joined. I was going to go because my P.E. teacher said we’d get extra points if we showed up, but then Kapst said you had to be there as early as nine am if you wanted good seats. I changed my mind immediately. If it were a Phantom Planet concert, I wouldn’t mind waiting the whole freakin’ day, but waiting that long just to watch a bunch of people dance is not worth it. Besides, I planned on spending time with Tita Lorna and my math notebook today. I told Annie that and she was like, “Oh, all right.” We babbled for another fifteen minutes or so about school and stuff.

“Are you sure you’re really not going tomororw?” Annie asked after a while.

“There’s about a 1% chance. I’m really not up to it right now,” I replied. “Are you guys going?”

“Yeah but see, that’s the problem. We don’t know where PICC is.”

“Oh, well it’s right across Folk Arts Theater.”

“I don’t know how to get their either.”

“CCP?”

“Nope.”

“Well, why not take a cab? I’m sure the driver will know where PICC is.”

“We thought about it, but then Kapst and I will be the only ones going early and the rest will follow later. The fare might be expensive and we really don’t wanna spend so much money tomorrow.”

“Hmm…I don’t know how else to help you then. I’m really not good at giving out directions.”

“Lauryn, pleeeeaaassee try to make it tomorrow,” Annie tried one last time.

“Well, if ever I do show up I’ll probably come at around noon. I don’t wanna wake up that early.”

“Umm, not to be a user or anything but see, we kind of need transportation and since you know where it is….”

Ugh, you have no idea how much that pissed me off! So that’s what they wanted. Not my company, but my car. What assholes. Now you see, the annoying thing about me is that I’m a nice person. When I’m angry, I never say exactly what’s on my mind because I stop and consider what the other person might feel if I say that. It’s dumb, but that’s what I do. So even though I wanted to scream, “Well if that’s what you wanted me to go all the way for, then no fucking way! What am I to you, your school bus? Go find someone else stupid enough to chauffer you there, bitch.” I controlled myself and said to her, “Sorry, but I highly doubt that I’ll show up tomorrow.” Nicely. Not even in a cold voice.

“All right. Well if you ever change your mind, just let us know, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. Well I have to go call Mary Kaye. Bye.”

“See yah.”

Sometimes I wonder if the only reason my friends want me to go places with them is because I can provide transportation. Why the hell can’t I have friends who have their own cars?