Cloak me in cold darkness

Listening to: Shame - System Of A Down & Wu Tang

I seem to keep changing my mind at the last minute these days. This morning, Tracy and I decided not to go to Cue rehearsals anymore. Actually she wasn’t allowed by her mom to go today because she had to study for Math and Calculus, but last night I was thinking about not attending because I don’t want to take any bullshit from the theater gays for not knowing any of the choreography. I hate public humiliation and besides, I doubt that I can learn everything today. They must’ve choreographed all the songs by now. It’s such a shame cos I could’ve met so many guys. I actually already did, but I didn’t get to know them well enough to talk to them on the phone and stuff. But then again, college is only half a year away.

I spent some of my spare time today learning about the basics of meditation and a few Buddhist philosophies from my Tita Lorna. I never realized that meditation could be so relaxing. I always wondered why anyone would want to sit with their eyes closed for a long time. Now I know. I like the silence of my mind, devoid from all its thoughts, and the darkness and colors that float past my eyes. Note to self: meditate at least once a day. I wish my aunt were staying longer than a week because there’s a lot I wanna learn about Buddhism. The cool thing about Buddhism is that I don’t have to leave the Catholic church if I want to follow some of the teachings of Buddha. Sometimes I don’t like being Catholic because it’s too ritualistic and there are so many dogmas. And the way I’m kind of forced to pray all the time in school. It used to bother me a lot, but now I don’t really think much about it anymore. At the same time I don’t think I want to convert to another religion. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and there must be a reason why I was baptised a Catholic at birth. So I guess I’m going to be a half Buddhist, half Catholic now. I hope I don’t become too confused.

I hate dysmenorrhea. Stupid-ass cramps.