I never wanted it to be this way with you

You know, it kind of sucks how sometimes you want something to happen, but it doesn’t really turn out the way you wanted it to. Like when I still had that crush on Jeric, I really wanted him to notice me but I had no idea how to do that. We planned to watch A Walk To Remember tomorrow, but at the last minute I bailed out. I’ve got two reasons though, the first being that I would be the only girl present. Jeric would be bringing some friends from school, and Adrianne couldn’t make it tomorrow and neither could Angelica. I had a vision of myself just sitting there while the guys play billiards and talk about whatever it is seventeen-year old guys talk about. If I try to join, they’ll see what a terrible player I am and they’ll laugh at me. That didn’t seem like much fun.

The second reason is actually the real reason why I didn’t want to go, the one that I didn’t tell him. And the reason is this: I think he likes me or is very weirdly attracted to me. When he called me yesterday he said he missed me. I just shrugged that off because guys have told me that before, although not over the phone and certainly not after less than a week of knowing them. But when we talked this afternoon, not only did he say that he missed me (though he’d be seeing me tomorrow!) but he also said other stuff too. Like how cute I am and that he’s attracted to my Filipina beauty. He also kept asking me what I think of his looks or just about him in general. (raises eyebrows) Ummm, okay. I hung up quickly after that, saying that I’d call my friend up to see if she’d be coming tomorrow. And I really did. I called Angelica up but she bailed out on me! To think that she’d been wanting to see A Walk To Remember for a long time.

When Angelica said she couldn’t come, I made up my mind not to go either. Aside from the first reason, which is a very good reason, it would become kind of awkward for me. I mean, what if he starts telling me that stuff in person? What am I supposed to say? Even worse–what if he tries to get all romantic with me in the movies? [Alert the media, I think I'm becoming old and conservative. When a guy likes me I'm supposed to be flattered, not scared!] Jeric sounded very disappointed and a little bit angry when I told him I couldn’t go. I felt kind of bad because I promised him about a million times I’d watch it with him, but I need to be true to myself. Maybe it’ll discourage him about making moves on me or something. It’s really strange though, cos I’ve liked him all summer and now he kind of likes me but it just feels so weird! I think it’s because he was too fast; he should’ve waited a couple of weeks before telling me that. On the other hand, this certain guy I like is too slow to get the picture. I’ve gone to the point where I’m practically spilling out my feelings for him, but still no reaction! Jesus Christ.

I swear, I have the worst luck with guys.