Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Another weekend has gone by and I’m back to school tomorrow. I’m sooo counting the days until summer, I really need a break from all the morons that my class is composed of. Two days ago in CLE class, my teacher told us to make two lists. Under the first list we were to write the people we love and under the second we’re supposed to write the people who love us. Now honestly I really don’t like these kind of activities but since my grades depend on whatever I do in school I was forced to oblige. I had no trouble thinking of people that I love, but I made sure I only included the people who were really special to me and the friends who genuinely cared for me. In the other list however, it took me some time to think of people who do love me. It’s kind of hard to assume if people love you. I know for a fact that quite a number of people do like me because I’m funny, talented, amusing, whatever. But I also know that if I wake up one day to find that all those qualities disappeared, those people wouldn’t like me anymore. And that is a different thing from “love”. In the end I decided to put down the same people I placed under the first list. What the hell. It’s not like my teacher’s gonna call these people up and confirm if they really do love me or not.

So here’s the point of my rant. After awhile, a couple of people who I’m not really close to started to ask me if I loved them. I was quite taken aback by that question. I mean the people who asked me (so far) were nice people, and I do like them because they don’t stick their noses into my business. But like I said, love is very different from like. And other than their names, I knew next to nothing about them. I’m not really the kind of person who you know, automatically loves every single living, breathing human being. Still feeling flustered from their questions I managed to let out hesitant yeses.

And then this girl, Jojo asked me if I loved her. Now Jojo’s nice to me most of the time; she’s a butch but she has a really great singing voice. But she can be really rude if the mood happens to strike her, not usually to me but to other people. And I don’t really like being around rude people. Her question left me completely speechless. I don’t think I even like her, I guess tolerate would best describe my relationship to her. But I couldn’t very well explain that to her, not in Tagalog at least. And you know how speaking in English is a big no-no in my school. For some reason I found myself calling out, “sorta” to her. What else could I say? I don’t love her, I really don’t.

The way I said “sorta” really cracked up my extremely deep, non-English speaking classmates sitting at the back. Poor primitive fools. Guess it was the first time they came across that word. They kept imitating the way I said “sorta”, like it was the most funny thing they’ve ever heard in their sorry lives. And I guess Jojo isn’t really used to not getting what she wants, which was an additional name to add to the list of those who love her so she can appear really popular. “Lauryn doesn’t love me!” she called out somewhat sarcastically. Kiss my ass, I thought, rolling my eyes.

Perhaps I took the activity a little seriously. I tend to take some things more seriously than they should. To tell you the truth, I don’t really see the point of this rant…guess I just wanted to let some steam off. Really, these people are sooo annoying. And I don’t care if I sound like a snob. They really are idiots. And I hate them. I have no love for any single one of them. Not at all.