The Lauryn-Angelica Classification of Filipino Teenage Guys

February 23rd, 2002 with 396 views

Informal Introduction:

Out of boredom in school today, my best friend Angelica and I made a classifaction of Filipino guys here in the Philippines (well actually, I made most of it). At first, it was just supposed to be between me and Angelica. But it sounded so good so I let a few people read it. And then they seemed to like it a lot, which is why I put it here. Note: I *may* sound a bit offending but hey, it’s the truth. Not that I really care what you think of me anyway.

Classification

Filipino teenage guys are classified into four main groups: The Jologs, The Trashers, The Co�os, and The Good Boys. These in term are divided into several subgroups, as some Filipino guys seem to be a mixture of two or three groups, but the authors are too lazy to think of them right now.

I. The Jologs

Feeling blacks or “hip-hoppers”

Natural habitats: the kantos (streets), cheap-ass malls, Glorietta 2 (Timezone) and 1

Mode of Dress/Physical Appearance:
a. Visors worn upside-down, beanies or bandannas.
b. Jackets (in the summer), shades (indoors), extremely baggy shorts, jeans so low that their boxers are visible in spite of their huge shirts (not a pretty sight), huge sneakers.
c. Shirts or jerseys in blinding colors (orange, green, yellow, etc.)
d. Hair may be dyed or partially dyed blonde or light brown, which does not look good with their already dark skins.
e. Hair may be in spikes.

Characteristics:
a. Well basically, they act like blacks, forgetting the fact that they are Filipinos, not the African-Americans of L.A.
b. Listens to rap music, sometimes local rap metal music bands such as Slapshock.

Say what?: “Westsiiiide!! Eastsiiiide!! Northsiiiide!! Southsiiiide!!”

II. The Trashers

Bad boys (or feeling bad boys)

Natural habitats: Glorietta, specifically G-spot (a seedy billiards place) and the balcony of Rustans’ U2, clubs (rarely)
. Mode of Dress/Physical Appearance
a. Resembles the jologs in terms of dress but without the visor, shades and extremely baggy shorts. Thrashers are more trendy.
b. Easily identified by pipes; all Trashers wear them. (Pipes: extremely baggy elephant pants. Note that not all guys who wear pipes are Trashers. But all Trashers wear them)
c. Have numerous face and body piercings.
d. Most have spiked hair; others are skinheads.
e. They usually buy their clothes in trendy stores (People are People, 1:15, etc.)
f. Most have a yosi (cigarette) hanging out of their mouth or dangling between their hands as they walk around the mall.

Characteristics:
a. Are usually members of those scary high school fraternities
b. War freaks, especially the members of those frats. They are constantly beating someone else up at the mall.
c. Listens to rap metal, rap, or local rock bands.

As a boyfriend: My batchmates have weird tastes in guys, and a lot of them go out with Thrashers. From what I’ve observed, they’re quite aggressive when it comes to girls, but a lot of them are faithful and the relationship lasts for months, even years.

Say what?: “‘Tang ina mo! Gago!” (Rough translation: “Motherfucker! Asshole!” Literal translation: “Your mother is a whore! Asshole!”)

III. The Co�os

Show-offy rich kids [or feeling rich kids]

Natural habitats: Glorietta 4, The Power Plant, clubs/parties, cruising in their cars around EDSA with the stereos blasting rap music to full volume

Mode of Dress/Physical Appearance:
a. Usually go around in [imitation] designer clothes from head to foot.
b. Most wear huge [fake] gold or silver necklaces.
c. Have either slicked back hair, neat hair cuts or shaved heads.
d. Speaks in English (or tries to) with an American accent and uses American slang.

Characteristics:
a. Mayabang. (show-offs)
b. They seem to like cars a lot.
c. Listens to rap and rock.

As a boyfriend: Sad to say, a lot of co�os are quite cute but you can tell they’re the kind of guys who cheats on girls or has sex with a lot of girls.

You know he’s a cono if: he can’t stop talking about his gimmicks, his latest “love conquest” or his Mercedes Benz

Say what?: “Yo nigga! Check out my wheels, man!”

IV. The Good Boys

Otherwise known as clean-cut guys.

Natural habitats: Glorietta, Power Plant, Alabang Town Center

Mode of Dress/Physical Appearance:
a. Often mistaken for co�os because they look the same physically, but The Good Boys dress a whole lot more simple than the conos
b. They sport neatly combed, sometimes gelled hair.
c. Usually dress in khaki or denim jeans.
d. Eyes have a soulful, puppy-dog look to them.

Characteristics:
a. Most are torpe (shy) when it comes to girls.
b. Follows the rules, or bends them as much as possible.
c. Most don’t smoke, drink or take drugs.
d. Most have safe, predictable and peaceful lives.
e. Music: anything, though for some reason a lot of Good Boys the authors know seem to like sentimental music
f. Are in danger of becoming extinct.

As A Boyfriend: You can tell they’re the kind to have long, serious relationships! Sadly, a lot are just too shy to ask out the girl they like.

Note: More aggressive girls may get tired of the Good Boy act after awhile.

Say what?: Girl: “Hi (insert name here!)” Good Boy: “….(too shy)”

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filipinos pretending to be blacks

February 17th, 2002 with 158 views

Ugh, this weekend was really bad where night life is concerned. There is a South Border concert at my school tonight (South Border is a local pop band I don’t really listen to), and since I didn’t go out on Friday and Saturday I made up my mind go out tonight. I went shopping with my family this afternoon and the fact that I was once again completely broke didn’t exactly put me in the mood to attend the concert. But since I’ll be paying for the tickets whether I go or not, I might as well not waste the money and show up anyway.

I wish I just stayed home and watched TV or something. Sounds totally antisocial but I swear, I just bored and tired myself awhile ago. I guess it would’ve been more fun if I was with a lot of people but Kriya, Angelica and Denilou were the only friends I had who showed up. And Denilou was selling drinks in the Student Council booth; Kriya was the host of the concert and wasn’t around a lot. So that only left Angelica and me. Since both of us weren’t really in the mood to party tonight, we just sort of sat on the grass, listened to the music and checked out the crowd. Not very exciting.

I really wish my school got a band that played their own songs instead of crowd-pleasers. The opening act–Mike and Noah–did a rather bad rendition of Tha Crossroads; the rest of their songs were R&B tracks. The school should have just hired a DJ or something if this was supposed to be a hip hop party! South Border too played songs by Joe and Usher. They weren’t even dancable so I only stayed until their third song. My mom and dad were watching a movie at the Power Plant and for the first time ever, I kept calling them up because I really wanted to go home. The whole night wouldn’t have been so bad if there were cute guys around but even the crowd was awful. Other than some (uncute) guys from the play, the only others guys that were present wore huge pants, spiked hair, bandannas and pretended they were black. Those damn poseurs really bug me. What the hell are they trying to prove? You guys are Filipinos. Get that into your head. Filipinos. Not blacks. Stop dressing like that for heaven’s sake. Ya’ll know what I’m sayin’?

Oh well, hopefully I’ll be able to party next Friday. The only good thing about tonight’s concert is that we won’t have school tomorrow. I think I’ll spend my entire day doing homework or something.