Becoming a nun?

I know this may sound kind of weird, but I’m thinking about becoming a nun. Even my music is holy; I’m listening to Gregorian Chants for crying out loud! Actually they’re kind of relaxing and I really, really need to chill right now. Seriously–nuns live simple, boring, uncomplicated lives. They don’t need to worry about things like makeup because hardly anyone looks at them. They don’t have to worry about combing their hair because it’s usually hidden behind a veil. Heck, they don’t even have to worry about what to wear cos they wear the same old frickin’ habit day after day! But you wanna know the best part about being a nun? They don’t have to worry about guys because they took vows of chastity or some shit like that. And when they die–poof!–they’re gone to heaven.

So where exactly is this all leading to? Well, something kind of shocking happened to me last night. It might sounds so shocking to you but to me it’s a pretty damn big deal. For quite some time now, Kriya, Angelica and I have been planning to go to Hotel Intercon’s Where Else last night. On Wednesday nights, girls have free entrance to Where Else because it’s ladies night. And according to Kriya, there are lots of cute guys on ladies night. I haven’t gone out in awhile so my mom readily agreed but my dad only found out yesterday afternoon that I’d be going home at one a.m. He got kind of pissed, which made me pissed so by the time Angelica arrived at my place I wasn’t exactly in the best of moods.

My first mistake was getting my hair done. The hairstyle I wore last night is kind of hard to explain and I can’t show you any pictures since we didn’t take any. But it made me look too much like a kid and that didn’t make me feel too good. We met up with Kriya at the mall and she was even more hyped up than usual last night. I soon learned the reason why. Leo–this dude she’s been sorta going out with for a few months now–was there at the Brewery (this cool looking bar at the mall) along with two other guys who were also friends of hers. She practically dragged us there; I nearly tripped on my platforms. But nobody we recognized was around when we got there, so we sat at the bar and waited for them.

As I was sitting there, I realized that I was making a fool of myself. Who was I kidding? I felt like I was playing playing dress-up, trying to look nineteen when I really didn’t look a day over thirteen. What was I doing there? If it were all up to me I would’ve gone straight home but since I didn’t want Angelica to be disappointed (she’d be sleeping at my hosue tonight) I stayed, shut my mouth and acted totally blase, as if I spend every weekend of my life in bars and such.

Things got worse. Kriya’s German boylet arrived–he approached us at the bar and when I saw him I almost burst an artery. I kind of wish I did. At first I thought that it was Casey, not Leo, who was standing no more than a foot away from us. Leo looked exactly like Casey! The only difference I could see is that Casey had straight hair and Leo has wavy hair. I think Casey is also thinner too. And you know the weird part? Leo is German. I wanted to excuse myself and go to the bathroom but I found myself unable to do anything else except sit there and force myself to stop trembling.

Leo invited us to the table where he and two of his friends, Bobby and Jose were sitting. Bobby is half-Spanish half-Filipino and if only I wasn’t in such a state of shock I probably would’ve had all my eyes on him. He was really cute. Jose is pure Spanish but he looked Filipino more than anything else. He has a punk band called Not Sacked and he sings and plays the guitar. Unfortunately, Bobby and Jose were only there to scout chicks and nothing more. I soon learned that they were your average horny bastards. Leo sat right across where I was, as if to run my misery in. He even acts like Casey goddamnit! He hunches forward and when he smiled it looked even more like Casey and I almost burst into tears. Also, compared to the two other guys he didn’t really say much. In person, Casey is also quiet.

I spent two hours of agony sitting there. Because Leo-Casey was sitting in front of me I wasn’t my usual talkative self. But after half an hour I loosened up and by being more noisy I managed to forget about Leo’s presence for the time being. I talked to Bobby the most because I felt more at ease around him. He’s the kind of guy who lives and breathes for girls, but who’ll treat you like shit when you become his girlfriend. As a friend he’s fun to be with because he’s hyper and noisy. We were even flirting with each other; after the first hour Bobby sat next to me. But because I was to preoccupied with Leo-Casey around, I didn’t even notice the “chemistry” between us until Angelica and Kriya told me afterwards.

They left at around 9 because they had school the next day and by the time they were gone I felt very disillusioned about my feelings for Casey. I really need to forget him. Whatever made me think that I had a chance with him anyway? Because we’ve been friends for so long? Well think again. I don’t think I look that bad, but I’m not the kind of girl people would notice right away. And although I do think that I have a great personality, what kind of guy looks at a girl’s personality these days? Guys who are like that don’t exist anymore! All they care about is sex, and I have yet to meet a guy who likes girls because they’re smart, funny and deep and not cos they have big boobs or are good at giving blowjobs.

And here’s this other thing that really, really bugs me. What is it with me that attracts freaky guys? I hate that the guys I like don’t ever like me back, while the guys who like me are the ones I wouldn’t touch, even with a ten-foot pole. So if you do find yourself attracted to me, chances are you’re probably out of your mind. Go seek professional help, before I whack you with my frickin’ pole.

My mood improved by the time we got to Where Else. We met up with three other seniors in my school and since I knew them from the play, at least I wasn’t uncomfortable around them. Unfortunately people started dancing at around midnight, which only gave me an hour, and after a few minutes there were so many people dancing that one could hardly find a decent space on the dance floor. Fifteen minutes before I left, I managed to gather the guts to go on this platform beside the DJ’s booth. Kriya and Jamie (one of the seniors) went up with me and it was so much fun dancing, not giving a care in the world if I looked like an idiot because I probably won’t see these people anymore. If my dad has his way I probably won’t go clubbing in a long time. Anyhow, they played one good song after the other and I found it really hard to leave by the time my one o’ clock curfew came up.

We left Where Else reeking to heaven of cigarette smoke, and since I couldn’t stand it I took a shower before going to bed. Altogether it hadn’t been such a bad night. I just wish I didn’t have too many problems about myself.