Stupid cupid, stop picking on me

Today was once again a good day. Actually before recess I was feeling a little bit down…here’s why. Michelle brought her cellphone to school today and when I looked through her text messages I saw several messages from Michael! (Rewind: Michael is this guy from the play with the sexy body.) Acting a little bit like a jealous girlfriend I asked her how long he’s been texting her. She just shrugged and said she just received a text from him a couple of days after the play. Something is wrong with her SIM card and she couldn’t reply to his messages but he still texts her anyway. It was so unfair. She already has a girlfriend for heaven’s sake, and she doesn’t even like him in that way.
So why’s he texting her? It should be me!

Which got me thinking again about myself and my inability to attract guys. (One bad habit I have is that I always compare myself to other girls.) Whatever does she have that I don’t have? Okay first of all, she’s pretty. The kind of pretty girl guys immediately notice in pictures and in person. I keep more pictures than I keep money in my wallet, and whenever a guy sees a picture with Michelle in it they’re like, “What’s her name?” However I am thinner than she is; her arms are fatter than mine, and I do dress better. But then she’s also talkative and outgoing, two things I am absolutely not unless I’m with people I’ve known for a really long time. I’m the kind of person who never knows what to say to total strangers, particularly to the guys I like. The thing is, Michael is this really cold person. He’s the least approachable among all the guys in the play but somehow, Michelle managed to get through his thick force field of vanity and pride. I don’t know how she does it, but I wish I had whatever spunk and energy she has.

Since it’s beyond my control to be forcibly talkative to people I don’t know, I began to feel like a complete and total hopeless case once more. Maybe I should consider a life in the convent and say an endless litany of Hail Marys for the salvation of the world. Fortunately, I was in a better mood once I had some food in my tummy and after recess I managed to push my bleak thoughts to the back of my mind.

When I got home this afternoon I got a text message from Alex asking me to come over. She has another problem but this time it’s more serious because she got grounded. Since I am such a good friend and also because I feel really sorry for her, I went to see her. On my way to her house I ran into Jean and Macky, a friend of his. (Rewind: Jean is this Korean guy I used to have a really huge crush on.) It felt so good to see him again after so many months; actually he’s been asking me recently if we could get together and hang out some time but I’d been busy with other things. He had his hair shaved, which made him look like somebody straight from boot camp. But I was pleased to note that he gained more mass. Holymarymotherofgod. What a body. Coincidentally, he was wearing a Ralph Lauren t-shirt. But despite his fine body all my feelings for him are completely non-sexual. I’m just the kind of girl who admires male bodies the way guys admire girl bodies. Anyway, he asked me where I was going and I felt kind of embarassed telling him that I was gonna go see Alex. Truth is, I wouldn’t be caught dead with her in public. I’m sorry to say this but she’s a total loser. Nevertheless, Jean wasn’t daunted and asked if we could meet up tomorrow. I told him I probably won’t be able to go out again but he’s welcome to come over anytime. With much difficulty I bade him farewell, I wish I could’ve gone with him instead.

I made my way towards Alex’s house and we stayed in her bedroom and talked. She told me the reason why she got grounded was because her mom caught her smoking in the basement. I patiently listened to the same old complaints about her mom being a bitch and this time I didn’t try to offer any advice. She always insists on going her way but seriously though, I should become a shrink or something. I always feel like a shrink when I’m around her, listening to her problems and giving her suggestions on what she might do if the same thing happens to her again. I really do feel sorry for her, the poor girl. Eighteen years old in junior year high school and no friends at all.

what makes you stop and notice a girl?

School was fine, otherwise uneventful. Got home, studied for a couple of quizzes and downloaded songs for some CD orders. I noticed that everyone’s nicer to me now that the cheerleading competition is over and the juniors were the champion. For some reason I was jetlagged today and did nothing but sleep during my spare time. I think I got too used to waking up late every day. How quickly that one week flew by!

I got my period today and life’s all good now. I’ve been more or less happier the past two days but I wonder how long it will last. Fifteen is such an angsty age; I’ve never had more mood swings in my life. But I guess it’s just something that people have to go through..you learn a lot about yourself when you’re fifteen. Thank God I’ll be having my birthday in less than two months. As a kid I always thought that sixteen was a magical age cos that’s when all the fairy tale princesses got married. Hah, fat chance of me finding my significant other in the near future. Unless of course my fairy godmother changes me into a drop-dead gorgeous bombshell in a couple of months.

There was this article in a girly magazine a classmate brought to school today. It was an interview for guys and the question went something like this: what makes you stop and notice a girl? I observed that most guys notice girls who have sexy bodies, gorgeous faces and killer smiles. I think I have a nice body–it’s not model-thin but I think all the curves are in the right places. As for the gorgeous face and the killer smile…erm, I think I’m cute, which is a very far cry from being gorgeous. And I don’t like the way I look when I smile though.

So am I a hopeless case? I thought so for awhile but I got a small, shining ray of hope in the form of my sophomore year Values Ed. teacher. I think she’s the most dull and dreary person in the world but somehow she managed to find a husband. So maybe I won’t die old and alone after all.

just another day

Surprisingly though, today was a real good day. I expected it to be lousy, the way the first day back from a break always is. I guess everybody is less bitchy now that the cheerleading competition is over; in fact nobody else save two of my friends asked me why I didn’t attend the competition itself. Glaiza and Kapst didn’t act so plastic towards me but at the same time I didn’t really wanna be around them. So I spent my lunchtime with Angelica and Denilou, and just hung out with other people in my class. Even our lessons weren’t as tough today. We actually spent two hours of Home Economics doing manicures and applying nail polish. We’re taking up Cosmetology for the last grading period. I really wish I hadn’t cut my nails yesterday! Everybody was doing french tips today and I’ve been wanting to have mine done for quite some time now. Short fingernails is the only disadvantage of playing the guitar. Even with semi-long fingernails I can’t play the guitar properly. And nail polish just doesn’t look as good on short nails.

The only lowdown I had today was that I had an hour and a half worth of Chemistry homework to do. I swear, my Chem teacher just loves giving us quizzes and homework. But I’ve got that over and done with now, which leaves me with nothing else to do except play my guitar.