I feel like I’m number one, yet I’m last in line

My parents were supposed to go out to a party/dinner tonight, and they were kinda nervous about leaving me alone in the house so they were asking me if I wanted to stay over anyone’s place while they were gone. I never realized what a good question that was because I realized that my relationships have deteriorated to the point where I can’t even feel comfortable in going to their houses anymore. I’m not very close to my friends in the neighborhood, thanks to that bitch Alex. And while I gave staying at Jean’s place a fleeting thought, I realized that I’d probably spend more time thinking of what to say than actually doing anything. I dunno..I don’t feel very comfortable around him even though my feelings for him are completely null. Then I thought of staying over at Denilou’s place but when I asked her if she had any plans tonight, she told me she’d be at her dad’s house in Mandaluyong for the weekend. I don’t know where Angelica lives and Dona lives too far from my house.

In the end I decided to just buy myself some (pirated) VCDs and have a movie marathon. One thing I like about myself is that unlike most teenagers, I know how to live with myself and I’m not afraid of doing things alone. Hating yourself has to be the worst thing you could do to yourself. Friends will come and go but you’re stuck with yourself till the day you die. Of course it would be a lot more fun if I had someone with me. But I can live by myself. Only I choose not to. Well anyways, I went to Makati Cinema Square after Spanish class and bought Romeo And Juliet and The Animal. Many stalls were selling VCDs of movies that aren’t showing yet such as The Princess Diaries and A Knight’s Tale, but I resisted temptation to buy them cos it’d be better if I watched it in the cinema. I also went to the secondhand bookstore and bought three books..right now I’m reading The Lady In the Tower which is about the life of Anne Boleyn. It must really suck to be forced to marry someone you don’t love just so your family’s wealth and power would increase. I would absolutely die if that happened to me.

Oh, and for the first time in my life, I actually bought not just one but two pirated music CDs. I got Rage Against the Machine: Live and Rare and The Best of Rap Metal. I like mixed CDs which is why I bought them, and I probably won’t find live and rare songs of RATM anywhere else. Unfortunately, pirated CDs being pirated CDs, the RATM CD skipped a lot but each skip only last one second at least. And then one of the songs in the rap metal CD got cut a few seconds after the ending. Oh well. You can’t have everything you want.

Although my day was uneventful, at least I wasn’t bored. When I’m older I’m definitely making up for the lack of excitement of my teenage life by travelling to all sorts of places around the world. Or I could make myself so famous that there won’t be a single person on earth who won’t know my name. Hey, dreams are for free. Might as well dream big.

Interesting how Leonardo DiCaprio can resemble Casey on certain angles. How I really want to be with him right now (Casey, not Leo)!