I pray you can make it better down here

I feel sleepy. I just came back from a seafood restaurant; today’s my dad’s 42nd birthday and he took us out for dinner tonight. The food was great, and the best part about seafood is that it didn’t give me that sick, full feeling I always have whenever I come home from restaurants. We didn’t have any homework today, so I used my spare time to get started on my palanca letters (they’re these letters people give out during retreats, and basically you just write what you think about that person). I’ve only done around five letters out of the twenty or so people I planned to write to. Writing palanca letters can be tough; I’m the kind of person who chooses her words carefully when it comes to a confrontation. I’m also the kind of person who likes her letters to sound very lyrical and descriptive and that can be really hard to do when you don’t know the person that well and the only thing you can think of saying is, “You’re nice.” So why, do you ask, do I bother writing people I hardly even know? Well only because they’ll throw all these stuff at me to make me feel guilty like, “How come you wrote all my friends but didn’t write me a palanca?” So I write them a lot of bullshit just so they can stop bugging me about that kind of crap. And then sometimes I have friends, but they’re not the kind of friends I would write letters to so I’m also super clueless as to what to say to them. Ahh, the challenge of writing these sort of letters! If only I didn’t have nice-looking paper I’ve been dying to use I wouldn’t even bother.

School wasn’t so exciting today. Today I found out that my homeroom adviser will be leaving for New Zealand in September because she got a teaching job there. Aww, lucky her! She’s a spinster but at least she gets to see a bit of the world. God, how I miss travelling. The bustling of people at the airports, the excitement of stepping on foreign soil and breathing the air that smells so strange and new. My aunt arrived at San Francisco a few days ago and how I wish I was with her! I haven’t seen much of the world yet but I know that San Francisco is the place for me. I just have to visit it soon!

My classmates were talking about the end of the world, and someone mentioned that the rapture or all that stuff that happens in the Book of Revelations, will happen in our generation. In the year 2007 to be exact. And that really scared and depressed me because I’ll only be around 21 or 22 at that time. Real life would have barely begun for me at that time and then it’ll just end. Jesus, I sure hope that shit won’t happen to me, not when I haven’t experienced living in the real world out there. I highly doubt it, but then you never know these things..gosh, it’s such a depressing thing to think of. Sometimes I can’t believe how totally unfair God can be, to make me live only to witness people vanishing into thin air and to watch in helpless terror as the angels throw the evil people into the pit of fire. If this shit is true, I can’t believe that He would make me dream of marrying (insert name here) and having lots of kids in vain because He would end the world soon. Humanity is ten times more evil than it was years ago, what with all that globalization shit, and what more will humanity be like twenty years from now? Surely God won’t be able to stand the greedy humans that we are…He’ll definitely end the world! I can’t stand it.

I have a headache.