When I’m not sure what I’m looking for

did nothing today. My dad spent the entire day sleeping, which is why we didn’t go to the cemetery the way we always do every Sunday. Which left me with absolutely nothing to do, not even homework. I mean, I did have homework to do but I did it so quickly that for once, I actually cursed my teachers for not giving me the homework that should have kept me busy and make time fly by more quickly. Not only was I bored, I was also very restless. I tried to read, but after getting past two pages I would put the book down in disgust. I tried to find another book that would keep me occupied for the next few hours but the same thing would happen. Finally, I decided to forget about reading altogether and plopped down in front of the TV. Unfortunately, nothing interesting was on either, save for the Ghostbusters movie which I watched for about thirty minutes. Then I got bored with the TV as well so I headed back into my room to listen to some CDs. Where I would change the tracks after the first few stanzas because I quickly got bored with whatever songs I had there.

Ahh! Sometimes it seems like absolutely nothing can satisfy my cravings for excitement, for interesting things to happen. It occured to me that I should call someone up, but then none of the people I know are worthy of that rare occassion when I call people up. I just realized that there are friends-friends and there are phone-friends. I don’t have any phone-friends. Sure, my friends are great but they’re just not the kind of people I can talk to for hours and hours over the phone. When I call any of my friends up–actually, when any of my friends call me up; I don’t like calling people up because I always feel like I’m disrupting the monotony of their life–we talk nonstop for about fifteen minutes. Then after that, we run out of things to say and the atmosphere becomes awkward so we have no choice but to hang up. The phone is such an unusual device. I think I’m more comfortable with expressing myself over the phone than when I’m face to face with the person. I don’t know why…maybe it has something to do with my shy and self-conscious nature. Yes, Lauryn is a shy person. Sometimes I make it look like I don’t talk to certain people because they’re not worthy of being my friends. That’s partially the reason but mostly it’s because I’m shy and I wouldn’t know how to approach them. I guess I’m not very good at expressing my true emotions on certain things.

Ugh, I can’t believe I have to go back to school tomorrow. At least it’ll give me something to do but my school is becoming so unreasonably strict that all of a sudden I feel the urge to decorate my body in tattoos. Last week I almost got a violation slip for long nails, when in reality the whites of my fingernails were barely poking out of the pink part! I swear, they’re crazy. Ooh, speaking of school, my mom attended a PTA meeting today and she said there might be a Junior-Senior prom this year. Hurray! I’ll probably go dateless, since I can’t seem to think of anyone worthy of the privilege to be taken to my school prom by me (I have a very high opinion of myself, but at least that’s a million times better than whining about how ugly or fat I am), but it’s gonna be a lot of fun getting dressed up and all. Wonder what the nuns or the Dean of Discipline will think of all those sleeveless prom gowns. Hehe, I’d like to see the likes of Glyka in a prom dress and all. Those thrasher chicks, I wonder what they’ll wear.