So they’ve left me to my own daydreaming

I’m really into Third Eye Blind right now. Two days ago I listened to the Blue CD my dad gave me, and I realized I liked it a lot. Slow Motion is my favorite song–I could listen to it all day and not get tired of it. I dunno why it takes me so many months–and sometimes even years–to like a certain artist someone recommends to me. I dunno…I guess at the age it was recommended to me, I was probably too young to appreciate it. But now I do.

I could also look at Casey’s pictures all day and not get tired of his face. I’ve been doing that for years, actually…I guess I don’t bore so easily after all.

For most of the people at school, this very stressful week is finally over. It’s a different story for me however, because I have my Spanish finals tomorrow and the moment I arrived home an hour ago, I had no choice but to study. The group study my Spanish classmates had at my place last night was all right, but I’m really on my own cos I have no choice but to memorize all these verbs. Learning languages is 50% memorization, as my teacher would often tell us. No wonder I’ve never been really good at it.

I’m just so damn relieved that the exams that count are finally over. After school today, me, Maricris, Annie and Kapst went to Glaiza’s place because G4 is just too boring already. The entire school goes there after the exams and we weren’t exactly in the mood to see our batchmates in their huge jeans acting cool just because they have (un-cute) boyfriends who supply the weed they smoke. Besides, we needed to save up money. So it was off to Glaiza’s we went.

I’m really pissed at Denilou right now, that melodramatic bitch. She really hates it whenever anyone in the barkada chooses to hang out with other people instead of with her. And the thing is, she has absolutely no right to! She has this really weird obsession with my old Steno teacher. As in weird. Whenever my friends and I plan to go out, she’ll be like, “I’m not so sure if I can come; I’ll check if Ms. B has any plans first.” Yesterday, I noticed that she was unusually quiet and didn’t talk to Michelle, Maricris or me. But we paid no attention to that cos she’s a very moody person. But today, we found out that she was mad at the three of us–at Maricris and me because the other day, she mentioned that she wanted to go see a movie with us. But when she asked we already told Glaiza we’d be coming along. Then she’s mad at Michelle because she chooses to spend most of her free time with Patsy. Because of that, she’s pissed at Patsy as well; she yelled at her this morning. We learned all of this from Angelica so after recess we confronted her. At that point I was very irritated at her already. I belong to no one else but me, and I hate it when people try to control my life. Only persons in authority have the right to do that and as far as I’m concerned, she isn’t authority. I’m a very transparent person; when I’m pissed at a person, it shows. But I tried my best to be nice to Denilou when we talked to her because I know her “family problems” had made her a tad sensitive.

Well I don’t give a damn if she has family problems or not. She was so rude when I tried to talk to her nicely! She said she wasn’t pissed at me but the way she looked at and talked to me, it was so obvious that she was! So I walked out on her. I am so full of her shit. For how many months–years, actually–I have heard nothing from her except Ms. B and her other weird obsession, Ana. I don’t give a shit about either of them but because she was my friend, I listened to that crap even though I’d rather do some other wholesome activity, like clean my toenails or something. I take her out whenever she’s depressed. And she won’t even understand that we’re only human, and we need to be with other people sometimes. Well if that’s how she wants to make things work, fine with me. I refuse to be associated with people who tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Thank God I won’t be hearing of Ms. B or Ana anymore.

Despite my little skirmish with Den, and the fact that my math test was a total killer, I had a great time at Glaiza’s today. It was ten times better than G4. We made some yummy crema de fruta, watched movies and gossiped about our batchmates, particularly those we don’t like. How fun it is to say bad stuff about the people in my class who think they’re so on top. It’s so sad that there are so many superficial friendships in high school; a lot of people only hang out with each other just so they could feel powerful. But if you attack them when they’re alone, they’d crumble into a million pieces in no time. Sometimes I can’t help but feel sorry for them. Depending on other dependent people for your self-worth must really suck. As for the girls who date each other in school, Kapst thinks that the only reason why they do that is because they’re desperate to go out with someone. That rule probably holds true for a lot of people, but not for everyone. A lot of really pretty girls who have millions of suiters go out with other girls. And for the life of me, I still can’t figure out why. I probably never will.