I thought I’d be with you until my dying day

Picture of my brother at Maribago Bluewaters Resort just minutes before he drowned.

Exactly a year ago, my six-year old brother died in a swimming (drowning) accident when we were in vacation at Mactan ’s Maribago Bluewaters Resort. It’s supposed to be a 4 star or 5 star resort but their lifeguard didn’t even know CPR. He had to ask the bar attendant and waitress to do CPR. Maribago Bluewaters Resort sucks. Their nurse is dressed in some waitress uniform. No doctor to be found . And no car to even bring my brother to the emergency room. Sheesh. My brother’s ghost is still probably lingering in that resort. Anyway… Although I do miss his presence, I no longer grieve for him because I know he is happy, wherever he is. The lucky brat.

At the spirit quest last night, the channelers said that he wasn’t mad at me for being so mean to him while he was still alive, and that his death wasn’t my fault. Even if I had watched out for him in the pool, he would have died by other means anyhow.

He also told me to take care of myself and watch out for myself physically. I still don’t understand what he meant by that.

The Spirit Quest drained me of all the physical energy that I had. We held our session, or whatever you call it, in my brother’s room because they said that he goes there often. Funny. I stay there all the time and not once have I felt his presence in there. Before we started, we had to do the Tower of Light. The Tower of Light is a series of exercises that was especially designed to relax ourselves physically and mentally. I was far from relaxed–I was petrified of being posessed or harmed by mischeivous spirits and I’m not really sure if the exercises helped calm me down. Then we had to imagine a ball of white light above our heads, and a blue beam that went straight to our scalps. It was supposed to protect us from the naughtier spirits who might want to harm us. That’s when I started feeling lightheaded and sleepy. The channeler’s voice was hypnotizing me into some sort of trance. My head tilted to my right and I fell half-asleep.

Finally, we were done with all that and when I opened my eyes, I suddenly felt so tired. Like I had climbed a mountain or something, except my feet didn’t hurt and I wasn’t sweating heavily. Then we all held hands and the four Spirit Questors called upon the spirit of my brother, who was reported to be zooming all over the house.

The Quest was mostly for my dad, who still hasn’t moved on. He’s been very depressed and shit, and my brother was telling him to move on. That his death wasn’t his fault. He said he didn’t want to be reincarnated. He was having too much fun. Note that I couldn’t actually hear him talking; the channelers got his messages and relayed them to us. I had several doubts but then they talked the way his messages were deliverd–in a sing-songy manner–and that was genuine enough.

When the Quest was over, I wanted to crawl into bed and fall asleep. But out of politeness I joined everyone for dessert. For the first time in weeks, I had fallen asleep before midnight.

Oh well. I’m happy that my brother is happy, free from all the hassle and responsibilites that we mortals have to deal and put up with all the time. I guess the best time to die is before you’re seven years old because it’s long enough to have experienced some of the good things in life, but short enough so that your spirit remains pure.

So much for that. That’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to the spirit world. I practically died of fright when one of the Questors said that she saw a lady in grey in the living room. Although it wasn’t necessarily a ghost–it could’ve been someone who went to the house and left an imprint of themselves–it still creeped me out. I’m glad my third eye is closed, it would be so freaky if I saw stuff like that all the time.

School starts in a week. Yay.