spiked collar

Sunday. My last day of drifting about in my own little world, worrying about myself and doing absolutely nothing. Only I didn’t do nothing today. My mom allowed me to visit Tonic this morning at his house. But when I got there, he went out with his mom and wasn’t home so I waited a bit impatiently for like, twenty minutes until he came back. I was semi-pissed, because I hate waiting and he didn’t even tell me he was going out but he explained to me that he thought he would’ve been back by eleven so he’s forgiven. I’m just glad he wasn’t late on purpose. A lot of my friends always give a designated time and even have the balls to say, “If you aren’t there by (time), we’re definitely leaving you.” So I show up at exactly that time, only to find out that they are the ones who are late. Often I think about leaving the tardy person because that is what she threatened to do to me if I was late. But unfortunately for me, I am a nice, caring person and I can’t find it in my heart to do that. It irritates me a lot, how I’m still nice to all the people who have the uncanny ability to piss me off.

Tonic gave me a present: a spiked collar which looks really, really cool on me, and some other stuff. He told me to wear the spiked collar to school tomorrow, and as much as I want to wear it and scare the nuns and the teachers, I’m worried that the other kids might think I’m trying to set a trend or trying to stand out and get noticed. But I’ll definitely wear it during the fair or whenever we get to wear casual clothes for a school event. I just hope no one else thinks of wearing one too. It annoys me a lot when someone else has the same item of clothing I have or when someone tries to copy whatever I do. Like, when I started to wear blue eyeshadow, all my friends wanted to know where I bought my brand of eyeshadow. I stupidly told them where and look at them. Identical sextuplets in my blue eyeshadow. And I know that getting pissed about being copied might sound really shallow to you but to me it’s a big deal. It’s kind of like someone copying your webpage design, only once again I’m much too nice to tell them to lay off and stop copying all the new stuff that I do to myself.

I guess I’m just feeling kind of apprehensive about going back to school tomorrow. I’ve already gone through the entire nine miles as to why I hate my school so much, so I won’t say it again. I miss my friends and I want to see them again. That’s just about the only thing I’m looking forward to. Aside from my exam results. I can’t believe I’m looking forward to seeing them, but I really want to see if all that studying did me any good.

My sister came home from Italy today. She was full of stories about her trip…how the food and water really sucked (she brought home a bottle of “mineral water”…I tasted it and yuck, I can’t believe they had to drink that shit for a week. It tasted like water with no sweetness and taste with the fizz that sodas have–really disgusting), how everyone from other countries really literally stunk because they didn’t take daily baths, how they weren’t allowed to see the sights and sounds of Italy because the Italian embassy was worried they might run off and live there as illegal immigrants. But despite all that, she seemed to have enjoyed herself immensely. I would too, if I got to go to a foreign country for a week with my friends. Too bad about the guys; cute but stinky. No way. She was given the honor of being blessed by the Pope and given a rosary(because only 2 kids were chosen for each choir), but it hadn’t changed her personality one bit. I got a really huge box of chocolates and a rosary from her, souvenirs of Italy.

I don’t believe in love right now, or true love or whatever you call it. If everything has a beginning and an end, then relationships have a beginning and an end too. So what’s the point of loving a person if it’ll just end one day? Or if that person doesn’t love you back? Really really queer thing, the human heart.

And it irritates me so much when the people in my school always go, “I love so and so very much!” They’re stupid and blind because they can’t see that what they are feeling about the other person is definitely infatuation. It’s very obvious because the names change weekly. I still can’t stand seeing happy couples either; under their blissful faces and their puppy-dog eyes, they are clearly mocking me.