Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself

I’m super excited about getting my electric guitar. So excited that I went to the mall this afternoon so I could pick out the guitar I want already. I wanted a black one but they only had it on bass and since I was kind of bored with blue, I picked out this red guitar with a white outline. It looks really pretty and the salesman was nice enough to let me try it out even though I wouldn’t be buying it today. He also picked out this amp for me; it wasn’t expensive but it has a few effects like distortion. After he gave me some instructions I took the guitar from him. I wasn’t used to the weight and I was worried I would drop it, but after a couple of minutes I grew accustomed to its heaviness and didn’t pay much attention to it anymore. I experiemnted a little with the effects and it sounded sooo great! Even though I didn’t really know how to play an electric guitar I was thoroughly enjoying myself. My mom said the red looked good on me, especially since I was wearing black today. I can’t wait for Saturday to come.

I’m already downloading guitar tabs off the Internet, as well as instructions on how to read tablature. I haven’t started reading it yet since all I want to do is chill tonight. But I hope I learn quickly–it looks difficult. My dad doesn’t want me to take lessons; he thinks it’s spoonfeeding, since he’s already giving me the guitar complete with amp, case and strap. I think he just doesn’t want to spend extra money on lessons. So I’m really on my own now but I don’t mind much. I think I’m smart enough to teach myself the electric guitar. And when I become very good at it at least I can say I learned everything by myself.

I wrote a song (lyrics, actually) about Nenok some nights ago. I called it Porcelain and I really like it. At first I wanted it to be called Vanessa, but then I thought it would be better if the person who inspired this song remains a mystery for the time being. Or at least, until she reaches the end of my short patience. Then I can indirectly seek my revenge on her.

You think you are a goddess
and you kill those who do not worship you.
Obviously I’m one of them.
You walk as though
the entire universe bows down to kiss your feet
when they actually turn away in disgust.

Despite your perfect hair
and the clothes that adorn you
you are as ugly as sin.
Although your skin’s like porcelain
your heart is made out of stone
and I wonder if there’s
a human being in there at all.

You bark out your orders
like the bulldog you resemble
and it pisses me off so much.
And though we belong in the same class
you treat us like your slaves
and I wish I could just make you shut up.

But then the day draws near when I’ll
rise up in arms and avenge your wicked ways.
And on that day you can’t run
because sound can only travel so far.

Cos though your million followers
say that they love you
they will leave you one day.
And though your skin’s like porcelain
your heart is made out of stone
and I wonder if there’s a
human being in there at all.

Rotting and decaying inside
your porcelain skin.

Well enough talk about my non-existent electric guitar and my dreams of stardom. Actually, make that enough talk for today.